I'm Not Your Friend
by Bwaaka
Summary: It all started with a stupid bet. What will Shizuo do when he hears a secret that's been kept from him for eight years?
1. Chapter 1

_An AU fic in which Shizuo might be considered a little bit homophobic at times(though later he wouldn't really allow himself to be), Kadota is a bit more talkative than usual and Izaya actually has something resembling a heart! Oh, and the three of them are best friends. . . . . Or are they? ! ? _

_But yeah, they are. Anyway, I've had this chapter written for like 3 months, during one of those days in which I spontaneously decided I could actually write! Well, I can't really do a good job but there have been many times when I've just started typing whenever a story popped up in my head and I always wondered if I could actually pull through writing a full one. Guess I'll find out now. As far as this story, I still haven't really figured out how it will progress but if I wake up my brain from it's couple-o-years-long slumber I hope something will come up. :)_

_Hope you enjoy!_

"Can't you go even one minute without a damn cigarette in your mouth, Shizuo?" Kadota snarled as he waved the smoke out of his face.

"Ah, Shizu-chan has been smoking quite a lot recently. But I guess your girlfriend dumping you could leave you unsatisfied in certain ways." Izaya, of course, added with one of his nasty smirks.

"You find if funny, Izaya-kun? Maybe I should kill you?" I returned with a smirk of my own, my hand slowly moving towards Izaya's throat. He quickly moved his chair further from me and closer to Kadota and waved his left hand disagreeingly, adding a polite "No, thank you!".

"Lke hell I can't. But why should I?"

Upon hearing that Izaya bowed his head and hummed loudly, tapping his finger on the table repeatedly. He did this long enough to start pissing me off.

"Oi, bastard, stop it al-"

"Because we're challenging you!" He interrupted as he suddenly rose from his chair, pointing his bony index finger at me. Be careful bastard or I might bite it off.

"Huh?" Kadota looked questioningly at him.

"Yes, yes! We're challenging you to go a whole day without smoking!" He announced as he patted Kadota's shoulder, who apparently got his drift and turned to me with quite the evil look.

I glared at them for a few moments. What, they thought I'm that weak?

"And what do I gain from something like this?" I asked as I took a deep drag, exhaling right in their general direction. Kadota cursed as he tried to get rid of the smoke yet again. Serves him right.

"Whatever you want." was Izaya's response as he sat back down, sipping on his coffee, seemingly confident that it didn't matter since he was sure I was going to fail.

"I don't think that-"

"Relax, Dotachin!" he interrupted again as he slung his arm over a now slightly worried Kadota. "What's the worst he can come up with?"

I pondered for a moment and after coming up with something I considered a suitable reward for a depravation such as this I took out my cig and turned to them with an expression that they knew meant trouble. For them, that is.

"Let's see... Fine then, if I do it I want to have a fight with you. And do note that I'm saying "a fight" only cause you probably have a slight chance of landing a hit or two on me out of desperation" I mused, "Yeah, you know how sometimes I just need to let it out. Since I can hardly control myself, I always hate it when some random innocent soul gets it from me, but since it's you two it's fine. I might even go easy on you." Might. Probably won't, though.

Ah, the faces of two desperate idiots. Nothing better in the morning. For them I guess something like this would be equivalent to agreeing to stand in front of an elephant herd while someone releases a mouse at their feet. Yeah, in these eight years they've definitely come to know the power I'm capable of displaying, even if the reason we met and became friends was because they were of the few idiots in school who hadn't heard about me and my "super strenght" as many referred to it.

"Hmm, well, fine." Izaya agreed half-heartedly while Kadota sighed heavily. Regretting it already? Not so amusing anymore, huh? "Then," he continued, "we have to think of something really bad as well... Any ideas, Dotachin?"

"Yeah, _Dotachin_, has some great idea illuminated your mind?" I mocked, quite amused by now. If I only knew what was coming.

"You have to come with us to a gay bar." I froze. Well played, asshole. You sure managed to top me.

"But..." Hm? What's that? Izaya's making a pretty weird face. "Don't joke around, Dotachin. Even we haven't been to one-"

"Even we haven't been at one _recently_, right? Cause since we're gay, we're there all the time, y'know?" Hmm, Izaya got quiet all of a sudden. And why is Kadota suddenly acting like an idiot? I mean, yeah, I know those two are on the other side of the road. They came to me one day after school, it was about two months after we started hanging out, and declared all serious, "Shizuo, we're gay! You can accept it and continue to be our friend or end it right here!" Well, Kadota did. Izaya just stood there all tense, probably prepared for a beating. I was quite surprised, they relly didn't look the type but for them to come out and tell me like that...

"Whatever. Who you go out with is none of my concern. As long as you don't try anything funny on me, that is."

"Who would do something like that, idiot? You're not our type!" Kadota squealed as gayly as he could. He sure managed to convince me then. Though later it turned out he was bi. Quite the greedy bastard.

The atmosphere sure got weird, though. What's with them?

I stood up, putting the cups in the sink and getting my stuff ready.

"Even if I accepted you and your gayness, it's not like I'm gonna let myself get dragged into your world of flowers and pink dresses." I responded while going for my jacket.

"It's just a bar, Shizuo. It's not like the moment your set foot in there you're gonna start craving the co-"

"Shut up! Idiot! Of course I won't!" Damn it! How can he even think of such shit? But he does...crave it, so... Ah, what am I thinking? This is disgusting! I can't-

"Shizuo!" Huh? Ahh, I just broke my door, didn't I?

"It's your fault, Kadota. You're paying for it." I explained, as I tried to calm myself down while putting the door back on it's hinges.

"What? Why the hell is it my fault?" Because you say stupid things.

I ignored him as we made our way to my car while he continued to mutter some stuff about all the times he's had to cover up after my anger fits. Well, that was true, but he was getting annoying. One deadly glare was enough to shut him up.

"Today I'm sitting in the back with Izaya!" He sulked as he shut the door of the car loudly. The door of _my_ car. _Quite_ loudly. Man, Kadota, you'd been playing with fire all morning.

As I adjusted my mirror I noticed Izaya again. He was still pretty quiet. What the hell happened with him? Was he afraid of what I'll see? Are those bars that bad? Oh, our eyes met... Huh?

"Izaya-kun, I hope you stuck that disgusting tongue of yours out at me as a silent plea for me to cut it off?" I asked politely as my eyebrow twitched quite violently.

"Ahaha. Well, you asked for it, staring at people like that." I'll kill him one day, I swear!

At least he's back to normal.

We reached the spot where I always drop them off and after the usual arrangements for lunch they took off, Izaya only stopping to inform me that "If you take even one drag we'll know Shizu-channn. So be careful." He didn't leave me a chance to reply as he quickly caught up to Kadota. They'll see! I'll even make it for two days. Just to rub it in their faces!

Four hours later and wasn't as bad as I thought. Those two kept staring at me as though the moment they looked away I was gonna stuff my mouth with a whole pack.

"Stop staring and start eating or you'll be looking for that food of yours in weird places." I grunted as I took a bite of my sandwhich.

"Hmm, he sure is irritated." Izaya pointed out to Kadota, completely ignoring my threat.

"He always is." Kadota rolled his eyes, as if that was the stupidest thing Izaya could have said.

"I feel just fine. Just accept your defeat and prepare yourselves for the beating of your life so we can move on." I let out an annoyed sigh as I leaned back into my seat, closing my eyes. Yeah, it really wasn't that bad, I could-

I snapped my eyes open as I shot back up when something familiar passed by my nose. A shiver ran through my body as I realised that it was something I hadn't encountered in...four hours. Four long, long hours. Man, and it was going so well. Whoever you asshole are, this would be a sad day in your life.

"Who..." I started as I slowly rose up from my chair, anger beginning to flood my body.

"...the hell..."

"Shizuo?" Kadota's concerned voice barely reached me as he slowly began to rise with me from the other side of the table, obviously sensing that trouble was coming.

"...SMOKES AT A DINER?" With one swift turn I had the bastard by the collar of his shirt, waving him around in the air.

"WHO DOES THAT, HUH? THIS IS A PLACE TO EAT! GOT THAT, YOU FUCKING-" I waved him around some more, the cigarette falling from his mouth as a look of pure horror made it's way on his face, before Kadota made it to where we were and somehow managed to snatch him out of my grasp. After an annoying amount of minutes spent apologizing, where he even forced _me_ to say I was sorry, which I muttered under my nose, we left the diner since we were "nicely" asked to by the staff.

"'Who the hell smokes at a diner'? _You_ do! All the time, idiot! What the hell was that?" Kadota spat at me as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Shizu-chan must have gotten angry because the reason for his upcoming demise reached his senses and unleashed in him the beast that is a deprived drug addict! Isn't that...right? Wow, you're fast." he sighed when upon turning to me he saw an already half-finished cigarette hanging from my lips.

"Shut up, this is the only thing that can calm me down. Or do you want me flinging people all over the place?"

An uncomfortable moment of silence followed, in which I anticipated what I knew was coming. I bit on the butt of the cigarette as an evil laugh reached me from my right.

"Damn, well, even if you did manage to cause me trouble for the upteenth time, I think this time I might be able to forgive you. Yeah, yeah, because tonight is going to be fun. Isn't that right, Izaya? Well, we gotta go now. Make sure that you're ready by nine and don't wear anything too flashy for, you know." He gave me a look that managed to freak out even me as he passed by, Izaya as well giving me one of his twisted smirks, though it faded quicker than normal as he moved on. What was that again?

I watched them as they got further away, finishing my smoke, when I noticed Kadota suddenly stopping and turning back towards me. What, did he forget something?

"_THE GAY BAR_, was what I was trying to say." I choked on the smoke as those damn words came flying out of his damn mouth from the other end of the sidewalk, averting my gaze as a number of people gave me funny looks. Someone was going to pay for this.

* * *

><p>It was somewhere around 9:25 and by now we were entering <em>that<em> place. I don't really know if any gay bar can be called "normal" but this sure as hell wasn't one. Or at least I figured not tonight as I found myself standing next to a large poster that read "TONIGHT ONLY COME AND WITNESS THE KING OF THE JUNGLE CONTEST! IT'S GONNA BE HOT AND IT'S GONNA BE WILD!" What. The. Hell.

I was surprised to see Kadota and Izaya looking just as schocked as me at the sight before us. At least half of the bar's customers were dressed as whatever wild animal comes to mind. Well, by dressed I mostly mean they were wearing thongs with different animal patterns, plus tails and ears. There was a huge stage where several "animals" such as tigers, lions, monkeys, girrafes, oh god, I don't even want to talk about those giraffes, were placed in their respectful habitat cages for display... They just had to make it as bad as possible, didn't they?

Grabbing the two morons by their collars I quickly dragged them to the most secluded table I could spot, shoving them in the chairs so hard I heard them crack, though they managed to stay whole. I sat myslef across from them, with a blank expression, trying my best to stay still because I just knew that if I allowed myself to move all hell would break loose. I was sure Kadota wouldn't be able to cover up for _that_ much damage.

"Well, this is, um...interesting." I was snapped out of my trance to see the idiots shifting uncomfortably in their seats, laughing nervously while still observing the place. They honestly looked like it was their first time. But it wasn't, of course. I remembered all the stories I unwillingly had to listen to so many times about Kadota's encounters and...Now that I think about it I've never really heard anything from Izaya. He rarely speaks about his love life and I've only ever heard of one man he supposedly went out with some time ago though I've never seen him or anyone else from his...partners. Glancing over to him he seemed to have already regained his composure and was now looking at the menu. Well, I guess he's just considerate 'cause he knows I wouldn't really want to listen to stuff like that. Kadota on the other hand...

"How come you didn't bring your boyfriend along?"

That had both of them looking at me questioningly as I grabbed a menu myself and started looking over the ridiculously perverted names they had for most of their drinks before looking at Kadota and raising an eyebrow.

"Ah, I didn't tell you? We broke up. Now I'm with this girl. She's really cute, and hot, of course. I gotta introduce you sometime, you'll-"

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you break up?" The question seemed to have caught him off guard, judging by his surprised expression. He threw a quick glance at Izaya before turning to me with an obviously fake and gay grin.

"Trivial reasons, really. We just didn't get along."

He then quickly turned and waved at a fox-looking waiter to come to our table. Was he trying to hide something? Maybe he just didn't want to talk about it. It could've been painful for him, or something. I decided not to press any further and burried my face in the menu as I ordered the most normal drink I found, too embarassed to look that guy in the face. What if I saw him on the street some day? Who knows what I'd do.

Most of the time was spent in drinking and commenting on which outfit was more obscene after I finally had the courage to actually look up. At this point both of them seemed to be pretty wasted, laughing loudly and pointing at people like a bunch of drunk cheerleaders. I guess it wasn't far from the truth.

Annoyed at them I turned to my left and was surprised to find a pair of green eyes locked on me seductively as a tall man dressed in black entered the bar and passed by our table. Following my dumbfounded gaze they were able to catch him just before he moved on and apparently it was my turn to be pointed and laughed at.

"Haa, looks like Shizuo's got himself a fan!"

"I guess Shizu-chan won't be going home alone toni-Owowowowow!"

Ah, I wonder how far I can twist these not-cute not-little fingers. I gave one last tug before releasing them and watched as the idiots blew and waved at them as if that would make it better. They got off easy.

"Shut up. That was so disgusting. Having some fa-man look at you like that is completely sick!" I spat as a shudder presentably ran through me. "He better not make himself visible to me again or the only thing he'll be seeing is his own ass!" Growling I downed another glass of my preferred drink for the night.

"...that much?"

"Hm?"

I turned to Izaya and found that his stupid grin had suddenly disappeared. Glaring at me he repeated.

"You really hate it that much?"

What the hell? What's his problem, it's not like I'm saying anything new.

"Of course. Some random guy having such nasty thoughts about you, anyone would hate it, regardless of being a guy or girl. Unless they're just as nasty."

"...Then what if it was a guy you knew?"

"Hey, Izaya, stop it."

..."That would be even worse."

"Why?"

"Because that would mean he'd only pretended to be my friend while just thinking of how to get in my pants, the sick bastard."

I watched as his body trembled with what seemed to be anger for a moment, though he quickly covered it with a cold smile.

"Haha... Then I guess I'm not really your friend."

"Izaya!"

"...What?"

**TBC**

**I would love to hear your thoughts of it so far~**


	2. Chapter 2

_I thought this would look better separated, so two chapters in one day!_

* * *

><p>"What the hell are you saying, idiot? Are you that drunk?"<p>

Yeah, he had to be. A moment ago he was carelessly laughing and enjoying himself and he becomes like this over something I've always been saying.

"Yup. Drunk as hell. So he better shut up before he says something stupid." Although Kadota was laughing there was a warning tone in his voice as he nudged Izaya in the ribs hard.

"Shut it, Dotachin. I'm tired. It's gone on for too long."

The look in Kadota's eyes was almost desperate. "Are you stupid? What's the point in giving up now, after all this time's passed. You're only going to ruin everything."

"Oi, what are you two going on about?", I interrupted, becoming very irritated by now.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"Izaya!"

"SHUT UP!" He spat as he shot himself up from his chair, pounding his hands on the table. My jaw actually dropped a bit at that. It was rare to see Izaya actually expressing his anger. But he currently had alcohol covering his back, so…

"Hey, Shizu-chan, let me tell you all about this friendship of ours." He started as he sat back down.

"Don't listen to him, Shizuo."

"I think I told you to keep quiet, Dotachinn~"

Wow, were those two gonna fight or something? They'd never even come close to it. What the hell's going on?

"He's already started. Just let him finish whatever he has to say." I turned to Kadota as I fished out my cigarettes and lit one, taking a long drag.

"I think it's best if you don't hear it-"

"And I think that's for me to decide." Jeez, just spit it out already, annoying fleas.

"Ah, so, that day we came and confessed to you..."

"Yeah?"

"It was a lie."

"..."

"You see, I'd never really liked guys before that and it's not like I like them in general, so I wasn't really gay then. And Dotachin here..." He paused as he patted Kadota, who had his face burried in his hands. I remained silent as I waited for the rest.

"All his life he's been as straight as s straw."

"Yeah, sure.", I laughed, "And all those men were just-"

"Nonexistant. They were never there. He just came up with them in order to deceive you. I mean, you've never seen any of them, right?" He paused and looked to his right where Kadota had just face planted the table, his desire of this coming out in the open obviously unpresent. "Well, except for that one guy that he showed to you. Was it your cousin, Dotachin?" After receiving no answer he shrugged and turned to me, waiting for a response.

well, I gotta admit I was kinda confused. And maybe a little disappointed. Why lie about something like this?

"So...You decided to prank me about being gay? It's kind of a stupid, way drawn out, not-worth-the-effort prank but not something I-"

Interrupted by a snort. "Man, Shizu-chan is as stupid as always." That earned him a glare.

"You honestly didn't get it by now? Having in mind what I said before?"

Getting no answer other than a slightly baffled look on my part he sighed heavily and continued.

"That day I went to Dotachin and confessed that I was in love with you."

...Eh?

"I was seriously scared and had no idea what to do. Then he suddenly grabbed me and started leading me towards somewhere."

What?

"When we ended up facing you I was ready to just run away but then he blurted out that stupid excuse and I was honsetly at a loss."

What did he just say?

"And when you fell for it...Well, I was actually kind of relieved. But since then on several occasions I've been ready to put an end to this. More than me... All those years I've felt like Dotachin has suffered even more than me, trying to keep this act together."

I was struggling to listen to whatever else he had to say as my hands slowly began to clench into fists.

"But every time I suggested telling you the truth he acted just like tonight. I guess he's just scared of everything coming to an end just like that, after so many years... I'm scared too, you know. But in the end, all this is becoming too hard to bear with... So in the end, I guess I was just 'a sick bastard thinking of how to get in your pants.' Haha..."

What the hell are you laughing for?

"Izaya, that's a joke, right?"

"Nope. I love y—"

Having heard more than enough those words were the last straw that made me lose it. Already furious, there was no way I was going to let him finish that sentence as my fist connected with his face in a way that sent him toppling back over his chair and landing on the ground with a loud thud. When he turned to me, his left hand covering his left eye and nose, I couldn't believe that he was actually smiling. It was a smile that was obviously there to hide the pain – though more the emotional one. Fore some reason that made me so much more angrier than I felt was possible.

When Kadota saw me heading for the bastard that was at that moment easily my biggest enemy ever, who had made no move to even get up, he quickly ran in front of me, trying to block my way.

"Oi, Shizuo, stop it! You hit him already, that's enough!"

"Enough? That's nowhere near enough! You piece of shit! So you lied? Every fucking day you looked me in the eyes and spat nothing but utter crap! To think you were one of the people I trusted the most! God, to think I've even slept in the same room as you! What weird shit did you do then, huh, you motherf-"

"Shizuo!"

By now the whole bar had it's attention on us. Those fuckers had better stop staring like that or they'd be next. And Kadota, even if he was trying his best to restrain me I could've easily just moved him out of the way. I could've if my body wasn't shaking so violently I thought I wouldn't really be able to stay on my feet. Speaking of him, I probably should've been just as mad at him, given that it was his idea and all, but right now all I could think of was how I just wanted to strangle that bastard that was just sitting there on the floor, looking at me as though he was gonna start crying any minute, even with that stupid smile still present.

Not really feeling like going to jail for murder I shoved Kadota away, grabbing my jacket and storming out of that hell hole, frantically searching for my car keys. I just wanted to go home, fall asleep and wake up to find this to have been nothing but a nightmare.

* * *

><p>"Ah, careful, there's still two more stairs."<p>

"Jeez, I can walk on my own. I'm not that drunk Dotachin." Izaya teased as he tried to push himself off of Kadota.

"Yeah, you are. Who in their right mind would do something so stupid? And stop laughing like it's all fine and dandy!" Kadota growled as he let go of Izaya in order to unlock the door to his apartment, stepping in and turning on the lights.

Following after him Izaya looked around the room carefully.

"Eh, your girlfriend's not here?"

"She's probably out with friends. I told her I'd come home late."

"And here you are bringing a man back with you. So naughty~"

"Shut up! As if I'm gonna screw up just when I'm thinking of proposing... to her." Oops. Should he have said it?

"Wha? For real? Haha, after hiding her for almost two years you'll finally be able to show off! That's good. Shizu-chan will surely be happy that at least one of his friends didn't happen to be a repulsive piece of shit in the end. Though I guess I'm not really his friend anymore, so..."

"...Izaya."

"Yeah?"

He stared at the tissue that was presented in front of his face.

"Pfft, I'm not gonna cry or anything."

"You already are."

Feeling at that moment the tear rolling down his right cheek Izaya just stared as all the feelings that welled up inside him from earlier, and from the beginning, suddenly hit him in a huge wave. Sensing that he wouldn't be able to hold it in anymore he buried his face in his hands as the rest of the tears left him as silently as could manage to let them out.

Kadota just put his hand on his friend's shoulder and waited for him to calm down.

"I guess that really wasn't the best way to tell him..."

"No shit."

Wiping at the tears that were now beginning to slow down he finally looked up at Kadota again.

"At least it's over. I can now finally move on. We both knew it was impossible from the beginning, and even if it was good being near him just as a friend... Since that's not possible anymore I don't really have a choice now, do I?"

Kadota didn't say anything. He had tried his best to prevent this from happening but now he honestly didn't know what would happen.

"Yeah, I'll move on... Probably. Who knows. Or maybe I can just die and-Ouch!"

He glared at his friend after receving a hard smack on the back of his head.

"Don't think of anything stupid or I'll kill you myself."

"Kidding, kidding! A man can't even have his angst moment in peace."

"Whatever."

"Well, it really _is_ late so I'm gonna get going."

Izaya made to stand from the couch, but was stopped by a hand gripping his wrist.

"You sure? You can stay here if you want."

"Noo, what will I do if you two suddenly decide to do it? Aren't the walls here pretty thin?"

"We're not gonna do it while you're here, damn it!"

"Sorry, can't take the risk." He waved his hand dramatically before shutting the door behind him.

Listening to the decreasing sound of steps Kadota sughed heavily as he tried to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do from now on.

Izaya wondered the same thing as he slumped against the wall next to the stairway while the tears began to flood his eyes again.

The only thing Shizuo could think of while he rolled around in his bed was how much he wanted to fall asleep, hoping that tomorrow he wouldn't remember anything.


	3. Chapter 3

I honestly gotta say the last thing I expected to see at my door the next morning was Kadota. He was alone, of course. That other bastard was probably too ashamed to face me again. He should be.

Putting aside any thoughts of HIM that unwillingly popped in my mind, I decided to let him in. We had our morning coffee as usual. Well, as usual only surrounded by utter silence. We soon finished and headed for my car. In _utter silence_.

This was annoying. If it was going to be like this I'd rather he just left me alone and went back to his best buddy... What? I mean, come on, he pretended to be gay because of him for eight freaking years! And now he comes to me. Did he suddenly choose to be on my side or what?

He finally turned to me while we were waiting at a red light.

"He's suffering a lot, you know."

Now that I think about it, that silence wasn't so bad.

"That's his fucking problem."

It was. That day, regardless of having lied to me or not, I told them I didn't want them messing with me that way. He ignored it and did anyway. He should face the consequences.

"Wow, are you seriously being that much of an ass?"

"What did you expect?"

"He doesn't want anything from you, Shizuo. All these years he's endured everything - your constant homophobic behaviour, having to see you with a bunch of different women and not being able to say a thing. He's never intended to start a relationship with you because he knew from the beginning that it would never happen. It was just too much to bear. At least let him be your friend. You owe it to him."

Gripping the steering wheel I stepped on the gas as the green light finally flashed.

"_Owe?_ I owe him nothing. I didn't make him have those feelings for me. Besides, if I continue to be his friend after something like that happened, I'd just give him hope."

"Eh?... Could it be you're worried ab-"

"Yeah, I'm worried that if he keeps looking at me that way I'm seriously going to rip his head off."

Kadota just frowned and turned to look out from his window.

I pulled out at the usual spot and whoopty-fucking-doo, guess who was there. Couldn't he have just waited in front of their office?

I tried my best not to look at him as I turned to Kadota while he was getting out.

"Is he gonna be there during lunch?"

"...Maybe."

"Fuck."

I hardly waited for him to close the door before speeding off down the road. I just wanted to be as far away from Izaya as possible for now.

* * *

><p>Even if I said that, though, I was seriously pissed that I had to look for another place to eat at. Or maybe I didn't have to, I could just sit at a different table. But then I'd still be in the same room as him. But then again, that place was really good. Fuck it, if I convinced myself he wasn't really there it'd be somewhat tolerable.<p>

I entered the diner and immediately started searching for an empty table, trying my best to not spot those two. It was unsucessful, though, as I soon caught sight of Kadota, who was making an order. But he was alone?

I continued to look around for an empty one, just in case that guy had gone to the bathroom and was surprised to see him, sitting on another table on the other side... What? Why?

Approaching the table I slowly took a seet opposite of Kadota.

"Hey."

I eyed him suspiciously for a moment.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"...He knew you wouldn't sit on the same table as him."

"That's a given. What I'm asking is how the hell are suddenly fine with the situation?"

"I'm not. That idiot's just making decisions on his own."

I glanced at Izaya from the corner of my eye only to see he had been doing the same, although he quickly looked away.

"What the hell? You still have the guts to look at me, bastard?"

I made sure to say it loud enough for him to hear. He still acted like he hadn't, his face all calm while he looked at his cellphone. That made my blood start to boil.

"Shizuo, don't make a scene again."

"Screw it! I knew I shouldn't have come. To hell with this place!"

I shot up from my seat and left quickly, lighting a cigarette before getting in my car.

Why the hell was this happening? Couldn't he have just kept his goddamn mouth shut like he had until now? Too much to bear? How does blurting it out make you feel any better?... Gah, what am I thinking? Living in that secret any longer would've been worse.

I was angry for so many different reasons I didn't even know anymore. Angry, of course, because of those feelings he had for me. I mean, why me? What the hell's so special about someone like me? Fucking nothing! How could he just fall for someone he's known for such a short period of time? And not to mention a man! You don't fall for someone of the same sex just like that, dammit! I was angry because even though right now I sincerely wanted to kill him you can't just stop giving a fuck for someone who's been one of your closest people for so long, and just thinking of the only way I could... _help_ him left me frozen on the spot every time. Saying he doesn't really want anything from me... Of course that was a fucking lie. "Yeah, hi. I just wanted to tell you I'm in love with you. I don't really expect anything though, no, no, just thought you should know, kthanksbye." Bullshit.

Sigh. Did I honestly have to say goodbye to my two best friends? That'd totally suck. But it looked like there really wasn't any other way.

Later that day I sent Kadota a text telling not to come to my place the next morning.

* * *

><p>"You alright?" Kadota asked as he moved to his friend's table.<p>

"Why wouldn't I be?" Izaya countered while he smiled and waved at a woman that was still looking at him, having heard Shizuo's outburst, probably curious about what was going on.

"Izaya..."

"What? Did you honestly expect anything different from him? Because I sure didn't."

"Then why did you come?"

"...I guess I just wanted to make sure that he completely hates me."

"Come on, there's no way he hates you. You know he doesn't just throw away people that easily. It was just a shock. Once his empty head cools down-"

"Nah, Dotachin. That's something his pride can't handle. There's no way he's gonna forgive me...Haha, why the hell are you looking even sadder than me?" he teased as he slapped Kadota's cheek. "It's fine already, I'll get over it."

"I don't think so..."

"Hmm?"

"Nothing. Let's eat."

* * *

><p>It was already a week after all that shit happened. I hadn't heard anything from Kadota, just like I asked. Now that the rage-filled mist I was in was starting to clear up a I had to admit it felt kinda… lonely... No, what! Pull yourself together, Shizuo! Quit acting all girly, it's not like you don't have any other friends... Well, it's not like they were exactly friends, either. Damn.<p>

I grunted as I got out of my bed, prepared to mutilate whoever it was that was obnoxiously ringing my door bell at 1 am. I opened it and stared for a few moments. I coudn't deal with this right now or I was sure the next day I would be asked to leave the building. I moved to shut the door only for it to be stopped by Kadota, who I'm sure had never felt more sorry in his life about putting his foot somewhere.

"Owwwwww... Fucking bastard, don't you _dare_ close that door in my face!" He growled as he tried to push it back open.

"I'd nevet thought you to be tupid enough to come asking for your own death." I retorted as calmply as I could, not for anything else, but not to wake the neighbours. Especially that old hag next door. She's had her eyes on me ever since I moved in, just waiting for me to fuck up.

"Pfffft."

What? Laughter? Did that bastard next to Kadota just dare to laugh at me?

I flung the door open and looked at him with the wildest look I could put on, which in most cases would've been enough to make him bleed, but the only thing he did when he finally fixed his gaze on me was to quickly turn away and bury his face in Kadota's shoulder and start giggling again in the most annoying way possible.

"Nnooo, whatcha doin', bringin' me here, Dotachinnn! See, y'made Shizu-chan angry! He's so scaryyy~"

He was totally wasted.

"Take care of this!" he yelled as he shoved Izaya in my apartment.

"Fuck no!" I barked back, immediately grabbing him and shoving him back. "It's his fucking problem if he's decided to drink his ass off. Or are you gonna say he went and got himself wasted because of me?"

"Noo way! !" the moron interrupted, struggling to keep his balance. "I just went to have fun with sum buddies from work!~"

"Yeah, they had to wrestle him in order to wrench the bottle out of his grasp. Since they got worried they took his cell and called me, telling me I should go pick him up since it looked like something was wrong with him." Kadota explained, his tone very annoyed while he took hold of Izaya by his shoulders.

"Quite wrong."

"Shut up. Look, goddammit! This can't go on anymore, it's the second time in this past week. Talk to him properly before it starts getting worse."

"Yeah, well I don't think talking would do much right now." I shot as I glared at the bastard, who was now just staring blankly at the wall.

"Then you'll just have to wait until morning!" With that he pushed him again, this time with enough force for Izaya to crash into me hard. While I struggled not to fall over, not expecting the sudden collision, Kadota quickly grabbed hold of the handle and shut the door, his hurried steps quickly fading down the hall.

While still trying to process what just happened my attention was suddenly drawn to Izaya who now moved his head so he could face me as he stared at me for several moments.

"...What?" I asked annoyed, averting my gaze and turning to my left, when a finger started poking my cheek.

"_You._" Poke. "_Are._" Poke. "_Shi-zu-chan._" Poke. Poke. Poke. He grinned sheepishly and then quickly buried his face in my neck.

I was ready to send him flying through the wall when I suddenly felt his body going limp against me. He fell asleep?

...Why the hell was this happening to me?

* * *

><p>The next morning Izaya woke up cursing the headache that was violenlty probing at his temples. He sat up and froze when he looked around only to see that this wasn't his bedroom. It was familiar but he couldn't quite put his finger to it. Looking at the nightstand on his left his eyes became as wide as saucers when he noticed the familiar keychain that he had seen so many times. Almost every morning. No way, he was...?<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Fetching out his phone from his pocket, Izaya saw it was already 7:30. He should've been up by now.

And he would've cared if he wasn't currently in a shock. What was he doing there, was he hallucinating or something?

He plopped himself back down as the memories began to slowly come back to him. He had gotten drunk, then Kadota had picked him up and brought him here. Yeah, that was smart of him.

What had happened after that, however, was a total blur. How did he end up in Shizuo's bed?

Shizuo's bed... He looked over to the empty half of it. He was in Shizuo's bed but Shizuo wasn't there. But of course he wouldn't be. Frowning at the stupid thought he turned to his side and flinched when a familiar scent invaded his nose. It was coming from... everywhere. The pillow, the blanket, the sheets - they all smelled like the blond. He couldn't help the shuddering breath that left him as he tried to keep the tears from coming out. He cursed himself for being so emotional but in the end he just couldn't help it. He had been biting everything back and now it was just flowing out all at once. It was still annoying, though. It was almost embarrassing to look at himself at that point.

He wondered if God was punishing him. Because that right then honestly felt like a divine punishment. For falling in love with Shizuo? But you can't help who you fall for, right? Though even if given the opportunity he wasn't sure if he would make a different decision.

Shizuo was... He was someone special. He acted like an asshole all the time but it was because he wanted people to see him as one, for different reasons. Since long ago Izaya had learned that the blond didn't really mean half the things he said or did. It was just the way he wanted it to be. He didn't mind though, because he knew that deep down the man cared. For a lot of things. Even for him. Even now.

Sweet words that he would soon doubt, though.

He was startled when the door was suddenly burst open.

* * *

><p>"Oi, bastard, get up already if you don't wanna be late!"<p>

Not receiving any kind of response, I raised a questioning eyebrow as I stepped near the bed.

"Hey, you still sleeping?"

"...No... Why am I in here?"

"You don't remember? Your drunk ass stormed in here in the middle of the night and started yelling at me for how rude I was for leaving a guest to sleep on the couch. Then you got in the bed and were instanly knoched out before I had the chance to do it myself. I could've either killed you or went to the couch myself."

"Ah... I see. Shizu-chan is so nice."

"Shut up... Does your head hurt, you damn drunk?"

"Yeah."

"Serves you right. Get up and I'll give you an aspirin."

I waited for a few moments but he still made no move to do so. He just stood there all silent. What was his problem? And here I was, actually trying to act nice! Not really, but...

After I couldn't sleep for _obvious_ reasons I allowed myself to think things over again. Anger, yeah, it was still definitely present and quite honestly I couldn't think of any other emotion that would've been appropriate for the current situation. Anger was something I had to go through if I wanted to be able to cope with it even in the slightest. Now that that feeling was subsiding I thought I would be able to assess everything in a more rational way. Or at least I hoped. Well, at least I was trying. That bastard wasn't really helping me much, though.

"Are you trying to piss me off? Don't think you're gonna lay in bed all..." I trailed off when upon grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around to face me I saw him rubbing at his eyes.

"It hurts that much?" I asked confused.

"...Yeah, too much." He responded with something like a laugh, covering his eyes with his palms.

"I told you I'd give you an-"

"I can't understand it, though. I always thought it would be easier after that, but ever since I told you for some reason it's just become harder to let go of you."

No. What are you doing?

"Everything just hurts too much - seeing you, not seeing you, thinking about you, trying not to... Hah, I'm so pathetic. What am I going to do?"

Why were you bringing that up now that I was trying to forget it? !

"You sure are cruel, Shizu-chan." He laughed suddenly. "Actually allowing me to sleep in your bed, standing there and listening to me...Trying to make things better in you barbarian way."

Shut up! Are you going to put the blame on me now? !

"Or am I the cruel one, forcing you to do all that..."

"Who the hell are you bastard? Cause there's no way I'm looking at Orihara Izaya right now." I grunted, certain that I just had to make him shut up before he got me angry again...Although it kinda felt like it was already too late.

He looked at me a bit surprised for a moment, then smiled and rolled on his other side, curling up in the blankets.

"Who? Obviously right now I'm just a lovesick idiot. Haha, yeah... A pathetic moron who can't get over being rejected even though I expected nothing else. You know, even though I tried, I guess somewhere in my mind there was a part so irrational it still dared to hope for a different outcome. Guessing by what I'm feeling, I'd say it's having a pretty hard time accepting the truth."

Yeah. Definitely too late.

"You... I'm currently offering you to at least try and be something resembling friends again. What more do you want from me? !"

He said nothing and only buried himself deeper in the sheets. He really was pathetic. So much that I couldn't even make out what I was feeling when I looked at him.

"I told you to get up."

"..."

"You have 5 seconds."

4

3

2

1

Nothing.

Rage bar - fully loaded.

"So what,... You want me to stick it in that bad?"

"Wha?" He quickly turned around again and I could only imagine what kind of face I had on as among the pure dumbfoundness I spotted just a tiny bit of fear in his eyes.

"Well? ! Will you be able to "get over it" then, huh? !" I yelled, feeling my self-control leaving me as I grabbed him by the shoulders and smashed him in the matress so hard the bed shook quite violently for a bit.

He began to tremble lightly as well, due to the impact, and his eyes were open so wide that even in that state I managed to consider the possibility of them popping out any second.

"But that's not what-"

"Bullshit! You think I'm that much of an idiot? Why did you tell me, then? ! And why are you acting like this? ! You were with me every day! We spent most of our time together! That would've been enough, right? But you obviously wanted this more!"

"No! What are you-"

"Shut up! This shit has to come to an end!"

His struggling came to a halt the moment my lips crashed into his, our teeth smashing together as I plunged my tongue in his mouth before he even got the chance to react.

I felt him grip my shirt as I kissed him in a way that could be called anything but romantic, completely dominating him as saliva started dripping from the corner of his mouth. His fists soon clenched tighter in my shirt and I felt as he began to gasp for breath. Moving my mouth to his neck, I bit hard while my right hand began to roam all over his chest and stomach.

"Sh-Shizu-Wah!" A surprised yelp escaped him when I suddenly grabbed a firm hold of his crotch.

"I thought you didn't want this, you bastard?" I growled in his ear and immediately saw the pink spread over his face when he realized I had found out he was becoming hard.

I pulled back to look at him but he immediately looked away, frowning, while turning his head to his right. Was he playing shy or something? A bit too late for that, wasn't it?

"Heh, in the end this is as far as your "love" for me goes, huh?" I spat at him and I barely managed to catch the twitch his face made before I felt a sharp pain when his knee ran straight into my left side. I lost my balance and he immediately caught the opportunity and crawled from under me. Clutching at the painful spot I managed to turn my head to him and was able to catch just a glimpse of the look of something I'd make out as a pure hurt/anger mix on his face before he quickly grabbed my keys and stormed out of the bedroom. I listened as he jingled them until he found the right one, then the click when he unlocked the front door and the loud slam when he left.

Ah, did I just get rejected?

No, did I just come onto a man? !

What the hell was that in my pants?

* * *

><p><strong>I am just as confused :3<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I just want to say a quick thanks to all the people that have reviewed so far and to everybody who is following the story! It makes me happy…and maybe just a bit anxious since I still haven't really figured out the whole plot but I'll do my best! :D**

**Anyway, you are teh amesumz. :)**

* * *

><p>Luckily it was quite busy at work that day. Or more like I was just paying attention for once. But that would leave me less opportunities to think about that...thing that happened that was...kind of... Fuck. Well, or so I thought.<p>

"Shizuo-san! I got a call from the reception. Someone is waiting for you in the lobby."

Great. Who the hell? It wasn't Izaya, I could bet my ass on that. Wait no.

"Tell them I'm busy." I muttered without looking up from the papers I was currently going through.

"Ah, but it seems they want to talk with you, shouldn't you go? Besides it's already lunch break, you shouldn't overwork yourself.", the girl scolded me, though there was a radiant smile on her face. Ah, she was nice. And cute. Yeah, girls were like that. Men, on the other hand, were...

* * *

><p>I got out of the elevator and immediately two figures headed my way. Two? Ah, one was Kadota, probably should've figured that out, but I didn't know who the other guy was.<p>

"What did you do?"

Wow, upfront, weren't we? Not to mention it was your fault._ Again_, if I might add.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for asking."

"Why isn't he picking up his phone?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? !" I knew but there was no way in hell I was gonna tell him, unless he was prepared to die.

"Come on, Shizuo! What, you let your mouth run wild again? Or you beat him up? There's no way you didn't do anything."

Yeah, I did do...something. But you'd never expect me to have done something like kiss him or...or-

"N-No!"

...Did you just stutter? _You stuttered? _Fucking idiot. See, now he was looking all weird at you!

"Look, he overslept! I warned him he'd be late but he still didn't listen! Plus, he had a bitch of a headache! He's probably just sleeping it off!"

Yeah, that covered it up. I hope.

"Wah, poor Izaya-san! And I told him not to drink that much! Now I'll have to spend a whole day without him! So lonely~"

Huh? Who the hell was that clown?

"Don't mind him." Kadota answered my unasked question, sounding just a bit annoyed. "He's new. Our company hired him a few days ago and it was decided he was going to be under Izaya's care for a while. Until he gets the hang of things."

"Hmm, so you're Shizu-chan?" he turned to me, cocking his head to the side questioningly.

What the hell?

"Call me that again and you die."

"Huh, why?"

"Cause it's stupid. My name is Heiwajima Shizuo."

"Eh? But doesn't Izaya-san call you like that? Or... could it be he's _special_-"

"He's not!" Ah, you answered too quickly, idiot. Stop acting weird. That bastard... Was he actually smirking? !

... What's going on? Could it be he knew something?

"Geez, stop it, you two. So... nothing bad happened then?"

I had to bite my cheek to stay calm. Ah, Kadota, stop asking already. It's not like I wanted to lie to you.

"..."

"Shizuo?"

"No! Nothing bad happened!"

Man! So annoying... Bad... I mean... it felt...

"Wah!"

"Sh-Shizuo! Are you crazy? ! Why did you suddenly hit yourself in the face? !"

"Ooh, that might look ugly for a while~"

What were you thinking? Are you gonna let yourself get swayed that easily? ! You're a man, goddammit!

"Hey! Are you listening?"

"...Yeah, just thought there was a bug."

"Don't punch yourself over a bug!"

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, is that all? I gotta get back."

"Hm? You're not going out today?"

"Yeah, it's a mess up there, so..."

"I see."

I turned to walk away but was stopped as he spoke again.

"Wait! Now that things aren't as bad..." Hardly. "...would you stop avoiding me?" Ah, geez. "You could at least come to the diner again sometime..."

Sigh. "I...Yeah, I'll see."

"We'll be waiting for you, Heiwajima _Shi-zu-o-san~_!"

Ignore him! Just ignore him! Get in the elevator and it'll all be fine!

* * *

><p>"Oh my god! Shizuo-san, are you okay? What happened? !"<p>

Damn, forgot about that.

"It's nothing serious, I'm fine."

"What are you saying? I'll go get you some ice!"

* * *

><p>It was around 9:30 pm when I got home. I had to stay late, though, to a certain extent, I made it that way.<p>

And I felt so damn tired I considered just going straight to bed but in the end I decided to take shower before that. I stripped of my clothes, leaving them in a messy heap on the floor as I got in the shower and turned it on. At first the cold water came as a shock but as it began to slowly warm up I felt my muscles beginning to loosen up. I closed my eyes and relaxed my body, enjoying the feel on my skin as the hot streams crashed against it. Man, that was good.

I let my mind wander off for a moment and immediately regretted it, since it decided to, of course, go to that which I had been trying to avoid all day. My eyes snapped open when a _certain_ scene flashed before me. Fuck, I really let my tongue go wild. And speaking of that, I was surprised when I remembered how in that moment, even amongst all the astonishment and fear the idiot had, in fact, tried to kiss back. He hadn't tried to use force, in fact it was almost unnoticeable, but I definitely felt his tongue move as well, even just in the slightest. He sure had guts. Or he probably wanted it to feel like a real kiss or something. Like I wasn't just forcing him or doing it out of anger. Pathetic.

Fuck, it felt weird, without a doubt. But he liked it...? I mean, that bulge in his pants...And that bugle in _my_ pants! Agh, what the hell, was I some kind of animal? So I'd get hard no matter who I was with, even if it was a man? ! Was I the biggest hypocrite or what? Something was surely wrong with me… But it was his fault! It was all his fault for having weird feelings for me, saying he wouldn't be able to get over me, for looking at me as though I had literally tore his heart out even though I hadn't even done anything! Well, except showering him with tons of physical and verbal abuse... I guess I said some pretty bad shit. But it's not like he shouldn't have expected it. I'm sure he knew exactly how things would go! Maybe except that last part...

I finished washing myself and quickly dried off. I hesitated to look in the mirror and was right to do so. The swelling wasn't too bad but it'd definitely be there for at least a week. Sighing I put on a pair of boxers and upon reaching the bed I let myself fall on it. I just wanted to sleep and-Ow! What the-? I propped myself back up on my hands as soon as I felt something jam into my ribs. Whatever it was, it was going straight to hell. Fishing it out from under the blankets I just stared at it. Izaya's cell? well, guess that would answer your question, Kadota. He probably forgot it in all that...commotion.

Without thinking much I flipped it open. 20 missed calls. Wow, looks like someone overdid it a bit. Clicking I saw that more than half of them, however, were actually from someone else. Some guy called Shintarou. I didn't really remember him knowing anyone named like that... Ah, maybe it was that guy from earlier. What the hell was so urgent that he felt the need to call him so many times?

Closing it, I put the phone on my nightstand. It flashed as it signaled that the battery would soon die. Well, I guess I had to give it back to him...But then I had to face him. But right now I couldn't really care that much as I felt my eyes dropping closed. I rested my head on the pillow and a few moments later there was already nothing.

* * *

><p>Three days later, I finally decided to go to the diner. As anxious as I was feeling, I have to admit I also felt just a bit relieved. It was nice being back to a familiar place and it gave me a totally different feeling than last time. I knew, however, that inside would be nowhere near the same. Even if I was sure that Izaya hadn't said anything, when he saw us, Kadota... What if he sensed something was wrong? Well even more so than recently. He didn't need to know about that.<p>

I stepped in and almost flinched when I saw the expression that guy's face twisted in the moment his eyes locked with mine. Following his gaze Kadota turned around and I couldn't miss the small smile that was there only for a moment before he turned back around. He shouldn't look so happy yet.

Finally making my way over to the table I waited as he moved in to make room for me next to him.

"How nice of you to stop by."

"Shut up."

"...so-Hey, Izaya-saaaan~ You weren't listening to me, were you?"

My attention was drawn to the other side of the table where Izaya's face was currently being squashed between that Shinwhatever guy's hands while he was being scolded.

"Sorry, sorry. I just suddenly thought of something." Gee, I wonder what it was. "What were you saying?"

Glancing at us the clown suddenly swung his arm around Izaya's shoulders and pulled him close as he turned to me with an almost disgustingly wide grin.

"Ah, look Izaya-san! It's Heiwajima _Shi-zu-o-san_! So you really decided to join us? Great, now it's going to be even more fun!"

Wow, he was already in my black list. Who the hell did he think he was? I was here first. I just had to take a...temporary leave. He sure had a lot of confidence for a newbie.

Izaya just stood still, frowning and looking to his side. So now he was going to be mad? Whatever, as if I'd care! I just came to bring him his damn phone anyway!

"Oi, drunk ass." I grunted and he would've almost glared at me if he didn't have to protect himself from the device flying his way.

"Shizuo, what are you-"

"Hm...So it was at your place..."

"Yeah, I found it on the be-_couch_."

"Ah..."

What's with that "ah"? "Thanks" would be more appropriate, I think!

"So you didn't lose it on the street after all! Isn't that good? Man, and to think you got me so worried back then! Even though I knew you wouldn't purposely ignore my calls~" He teased as he shoved Izaya in his chest and started waving him around in the same manner as a small girl would her new puppy.

What was with all the touching? They only knew each other for a about a week, not to mention Izaya was his superior. And why was he just standing there like he didn't mind it at all? Not that I cared! It was just weird...

Did what's-his-name just smirk at me? Again? Was he mocking me? But that meant he definitely knew something...

"Say, _Shi-zu-o-san_. This morning I turned in my opening assignment I was asked to do, with the help of Izaya-san, of course," Of course. "and if it goes well tomorrow night we were planning on going for a little celebration. You have to join us!" His look told me he was presenting me with a challenge.

"... I don't-"

"Come on, Shizuo. It's just going out for some drinks. Nothing too heavy, though, thanks to the Great Alchohol Overlord there." Kadota bowed sarcastcally and was immediately glared at, Izaya soon moving his gaze to his still almost full plate as an annoyed sigh escaped him.

"Well, I have plans for then, so-"

"Ehhhh? But Izaya-saann, you said you were free earlier!"

He probably was.

"Whatever. It's not like I said I was going."

"No way! It will be totally boring if all of us aren't there~ Everyone has to come! After all, we're all friends here, right? Why not have some fun together?"

Really now? Cause I'd enjoy breaking all your bones, one by one, very much. That would be _fun_ for me.

"It's settled then~ Tomorrow at 8:30!"

What was he planning?


	6. Chapter 6

Of course I wasn't going. What was I going to do in the company of someone I wanted to kill, someone I didn't even know what I wanted to do with anymore and someone who had yet to have my anger unleashed upon him for what he'd done. Sounds great, doesn't it? And besides, there were only 10 minutes left until the meeting time anyway.

I was just gonna watch a movie or something on TV. After all that had been my routine for almost a week and a half. And maybe add two weeks before that when that woman decided I _"deserved something better" _and that _"there was someone out there who surely needed me more than..." _her.._."_ No...no. Did she know, too? ! But…We had gone out with those two plenty of times but she and Izaya had never really been alone. Plus I doubt he'd just up and tell her. Damn, it was that obvious? That idiot was that desperate? Then how come I didn't see anything? ! Was I just that much of a blockhead? All that time spent together and I never, not even for a moment... Hah, I guess he only tried to hide it so well from me.

He waited eight years for someone who he knew wouldn't go to him. Was he that stupid? And he still took it that badly. _And_ I did that thing... Gah, I really had to stop remembering it-!

_Ding dong._

"Ah, see? ! I told you he still wouldn't be ready!"

Was I seeing things or was the clown actually at my front door?

Without waiting for an invitation he stepped beside me and entered the apartment, struggling to drag Izaya after him. Looks like I wasn't going to be the only one tortured tonight.

Sliding in after that, Kadota only gave me an apologetic look.

"He insisted. A lot."

Oh, ok. That totally makes me forgive you.

"Shi-zu-o-san! How could you break your promise?"

"What? I didn't promise anyth-"

"Anyway, let's get some clothes on you so we can go."

"Wait a minute! Who gave you permission to go into my bedroom? !" Too late.

"So messy~... Wah, you haven't even fixed your bed!"

"So?"

"That's not nice. Or maybe it was _occupied_ until recently... Right, Izaya-san?"

Wha-?

_"Wha-? !"_

"Hmm? I was just wondering if it had been occupied. I mean, by his _girlfriend_ or something."

Oh, the sly bastard.

"...How would I know." His frown was almost ugly.

"Ah, maybe we'll find a bra or panties if we-"

"Don't you dare go near my bed!"

"Eh?"

"Are you retarded? How could she just leave without her underwear? !"

"Hmm, maybe a spare or…so women just come and go, huh... Heh, and you actually looked like the dedicated type to me~"

"That's none of your business! Get out already!"

"No, you're coming too."

"Why the hell do you want me to come so badly? !"

"Eh? Because you're Izaya-san's friend, of course."

"That's not the case any..." Catching a glimpse of him I saw his brows furrow even deeper at that. What, it was the truth, wasn't it? Even he himself acted like there was already nothing between us...

"Shizuo?" Ah, damn, Kadota. Now that I think about it, had I misjudged him or something? I honestly thought he would've caught up at least a little… But if he actually brought them here, then he was really expecting me to go, wasn't he?... Wait, what was I doing, feeling bad for him! I was supposed to be mad! _Mad!_

"Jeez, he's so stubborn! But if he's so opposed to coming I'll just have to pay twice as much attention to Izaya-san! Actually that's not so—"

"...Fine! I'll get dressed so get out of the room already!"

What the hell was I doing? I should've just kicked them out.

* * *

><p>The night wasn't really anything special so far. We went to a bar and most of the time I had to listen to the "funny" guy ramble about random shit. Trying to ignore his words I noticed that again, he was pretty generous with the touching. In fact I struggled to remember a moment where his hands weren't on Izaya. Or at least one of them. For some reason I honestly found it annoying. But what was more annoying was the fact that I found it annoying!<p>

"Shizuo..."

I moved my gaze to Kadota, who was looking a bit fidgety.

"Now that you know the truth... I just thought I should tell you something."

"What?"

"I... I'm thinking of getting married soon?"

"Huh, so fast?" Didn't he just meet her recently? "How long have you known the woman?"

"...Almost two years."

"Two..."

"I'm sorry. I seriously felt like shit and I wanted you to see her but... I didn't want it to fall apart. But you'll meet her now, she's really great!"

"...Yeah, I'm sure she is..." I've missed something like this because of a stupid lie.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you...Shizuo?"

"Eh, Shi-zu-o-san! Where are you going?" Wow, was I on his leash?

"To buy some smokes."

"I'll come with you!"

"Please, don't."

"No, no! I need some fresh air, you see."

I hate you. I hate you so much I could kill you right on the spot.

* * *

><p>"Aah, this is nice. That place is a bit noisy."<p>

"It's a bar. What did you expect?"

I opened the pack and quickly dragged a cigarette out with my teeth. Feeling my pockets I cursed when I realized I'd left my lighter on the table. Soon I heard a click as a light was presented next to my face.

"Here you go.", he offered with another grin that for some reason made me a bit sick.

"...Thanks."

We stood there in silence for a while until he turned to me again.

"Ah, actually, since you decided to join us-" More like was forced to! "-I think It's a good opportunity to have a little talk with you."

"...Really." So that's what you wanted.

"You know, it pains me to see Izaya-san so sad. Especially because of someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know about his feelings for you." Just as I suspected.

"I don't see how it's my fault. I never gave him a reason for those feelings."

"Haha, silly Shi-zu-o-san. Love doesn't bother with reason. I mean, for someone to be able to fall in love with a person as cruel and heartless as you, isn't that conclusive enough proof?"

"Be careful, bastard." I glared at him but he didn't seem bothered at all.

"You see, the thing is... Izaya-san and I are together..."

My cigarette almost dropped from my mouth when I heard those words.

"What did you just say?"

"Well, the truth is I had seen Izaya-san even before I started working in the company. He really helped me even back then and at that moment I realized what a good person he was. After that we went out a couple of times, just as friends, and it was really fun, I enjoyed his company very much. Later, when I learned that I was hired there, I was really happy! I asked specifically if I could be grouped with Izaya-san. But the man I saw then, on my first day, he looked totally different. He looked somehow… broken, even though he tried to hide it as best as he could. When I insisted on him telling me what was wrong he got really mad at first. He said some pretty bad things and just left the room."

Not again.

"Ah, but that day I decided to stay after work since I still had to check a lot of things out. I was really surprised when he came to me and apologized for taking his anger out on me. Then he agreed to tell me about his problem. Listening to his story I just felt like I wanted to cry. He looked so miserable while talking about it that I wanted to comfort him. And...well, maybe not in the best way, but I did. You know, I even told him it was okay to imagine it was you. But he didn't dare do it. He just kept quiet and held on tight while we did it. Again and ag-Ugh!"

I cut him off with a punch that sent him flying to the ground.

"Ow! Why'd you do that, Shi-zu-o-san?"

"Why do you _think_? !"

Shit, so he made fun of me! They both did! That morning, curled up in the sheets, those words... he was just mocking me, is that it? ! Making me believe those words to the point where I thought... But it was just a lie! So that's why he pushed me away, not because I hurt him with what I said but because he had already found someone else to 'stick it in'!

Kneeling over the clown I grabbed him by the collar as I shoved him in the ground.

"Woah!"

"Fucking bastard! Since he's obviously not sparing you any details then he told you what happened that morning, too, didn't he? !

"...Um..."

"So was that you plan, too? If you already had something with him why didn't _you_ take care of him? Why did you let Kadota bring him to my place? !"

"...Well, it's not like I knew Kyohei-san would bring him over to you. I just thought that in that situation it would've been better if he was dealt with by someone who knew him better, that's the only reason I called him that night."

"So did you two laugh good after that? ! That fucking bastard, he's gonna get it now!", I yelled as I stood up and headed back to the entrance. I was honestly going to kill him!

"...Why?"

I stopped and turned to him with a disbelieving look.

"Are you fucking stupid? He tricked me! He acted miserable when in truth he was already over it! He did it just to piss me off!"

"Ah, it's not like that's the truth. It's obvious that he still hasn't gotten over you, Shi-zu-o-san, so he didn't lie. I think even for someone with such restricted brain capacity it would be obvious."

"Bullshit! You can't be with one person and claim to love another! That's just egoistic."

"Waah, so you really _are_ the dedicated type~!"

"Shut up!"

Propping himself up on his elbows he stared at me for a while when I saw the corners of his mouth twitch in a mocking smile.

"What's the matter, Shi-zu-o-san? Could it be that you're hurt?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Maybe you thought that he'd just continue to be depressed forever and not look at anyone, hoping that someday for whatever reason you'd actually consider him? Are you angry because he's trying to regain his happiness?"

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you? Who the hell would think any of that crap? ! I'm only angry because I was lied to using an already fucked up enough situation and as a result did something completely disgusting!"

I saw his grin grow even wider.

"Heh... You may say that it was disgusting, but is that how you honestly felt, _Shizu-chan_?"

In an instant I felt my whole face heat up but at that point there was no way I could make out if it was from fury or embarrassment. Seeing how he just seemed even more pleased with the situation I wasn't gonna let the bastard have his fun anymore as I quickly got up and stormed down the street. I had no idea where I was going. I didn't want to go home because there I would start thinking. I just had to keep walking. Walk and not allow myself to think.

* * *

><p>"Well, now that that's done..." Shintarou slowly got himself off of the pavement and headed back in the bar.<p>

When they saw him Izaya only stared while Kadota shot up from his chair, suddenly quite concerned.

"What the hell happened? Are you okay? !"

The man smiled at him as he took his seat next to Izaya.

"Yes, it's nothing. Please don't worry about me."

"Did you fight with Shizuo? Where is he? !"

"Ah, Shizuo-san had to leave."

"Had to? Why?"

"Hmm, I wonder..."

"Wha…?"

"Shintarou-kun..."

"Don't worry Izaya-san! You can tend to my injury if you're that worried!", he chirped as he ruffled his hair.

"I think I'll pass.", Izaya sighed as he pushed the hand away from his head.

"Well, I guess now we'll just have to see…"

Eyeing his subordinate suspiciously Izaya stood up, preparing to leave. "...Ah, I'm calling it a night. Congratulations again. See you two tomorrow."

"Ehh, but Izaya-sannn..."

Shintarou watched as he went through the door,then leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. When he opened them again he turned to Kadota, who had been staring at him the whole time.

"Well, guess it's just you and me, then..."

"You know, I'm tired of asking these questions already, but what exactly did you say to Shizuo?"

That was obviously coming.

"Nothing much."

"Yeah, sure. It's true that Shizuo is one that doesn't need _much_ to blow a fuse but he still needs _something_."

"Say, Kyohei-san, I assume you've known about those two's relationship, right?"

"Relationship...?"

"Bwahaha, sorry, sorry! That was surely the stupidest way I could have phrased it. I meant these certain feelings that have been present for some time now. You know, they have a _romantic_ nature..."

"...How did you-"

"Eh, what does it matter? More importantly, I learned something interesting just now~"

"Huh?"

"The way he acted that morning, there was definitely some reason behind it."

"...What? So he did do something?"

"Apparently."

"What?"

"I don't know that. He didn't tell me the details... Ah, I wonder what will happen next."

"Nothing good.", Kadota grunted as he rubbed his face.

"But it's still better than nothing at all~"

"Not in this case... Hey, really, what _did_ you tell him?"

"That's a secret~!"

"You-!"


	7. Chapter 7

"Wow, he looks awful."

"Yeah, those bags under his eyes, it's like he hasn't slept in a week or something."

It was only one night. And I could hear you bastards.

"Did you just say something...?"

"WAHAHA, NO WAY! YOU DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING, RIGHT? !"

"RIGHT, RIGHT!"

Idiots. Well, I really didn't go home until it was already morning. I didn't quite remember half the things I did last night. Around 7 I just got in, changed my clothes and came straight here. It was only an hour and a half and I already felt like there was no way I was going to make it till the end of the day.

I, and everybody else in the office, winced when my phone rang. Again. Some random number had been calling me all morning. I didn't really want to know who it was, though.

"U-Um, Heiwajima-kun, not that I'm complaining or anything, but... m-maybe you should pick it up already?"

I glared at him. He was right but I just wanted to glare right now.

"I don't want to talk to them." Whoever they were.

"T-then maybe you could turn off your phone...?"

"Like hell am I turning off my phone because of some stupid bastard!"

"Ahah, of course! That was just a stupid suggestion, haha!... Now then, where was I..."

Ah jeez, he was right. This was ridiculous. Then, the next time this bastard called would be the last time he made a phone call. About ten minutes later my phone rang again.

* * *

><p>Izaya's attention was suddenly snapped to his surroundings. People around him were working as usual, everything seemed normal but he couldn't help but think that something was missing. Even with all the racket going on around it still felt kind of... quiet?<p>

"Ah..." Shintarou-kun.

"Wow, Izaya, forgetting about people? You really need to pull it together.", he murmured to himself as he looked at the clock. He was already an hour late. He asked at the main desk but he hadn't called in sick or anything.

_"Maybe Shizu-chan found him later and finished kicking his ass?"_ He laughed a little at that thought. It wasn't totally impossible.

He could try calling him on his cell. But he never really asked for his number... No! That night before he called Kadota, Shintarou had saved his number in Izaya's cell and told him to call if he needed anything… He was actually a bit proud of himself for remembering such a detail, given the state he had been in. He searched through his contact list and seeing it was really there he hit the dial button. It barely managed to ring once when the call was answered.

_"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? !"_

* * *

><p>I could feel my forehead pulse as I waited for a response that seemed like it would never come.<p>

"Well? !"

_"...Shizu-chan?"_

"The hell?"

So he was the one? Or he wasn't. I looked at the display but found that it actually read _"Izaya"_… Damn, maybe I should've looked before answering.

_"No way... I couldn't have possibly dialed you."_

"Well, look better next time!"

_"...Yeah. I'm extremely sorry for bothering you."_ I could just imagine the face he was making. _"Well then..."_

"Ah, Izaya-"

_"...Wh-what?"_

"...Nothing!" I quickly hung up after that.

Agh, what was that? ! There was nothing I had to say to him! What, was I going to ask him about that? It's not like I cared. I didn't... I didn't!

"Shizuo-san?" Oh, that girl. what was her name again? "You really don't seem very well. Is everything okay?"

"...Yeah."

"Are you sure? If you need someone to talk to, you can count on me." Wasn't that nice.

"Thanks."

Although neither of us said anything more she still stood there, blocking my way.

"...Um...Well...This is p-probably very rude of me b-but... if I may ask, could it be that you're having problems with your girlfriend?", she stuttered, moving her gaze away from me as her face grew bright red. Oh, I knew this game.

"I don't have one." Ehh? ! No way! Are you serious? !

"Ehh? ! No way! Seriously? !"

Predictable...

…But maybe I could take advantage. Maybe I needed someone to take my attention away from all this shit. I mean, he already found someone, so_-what the hell am I saying?_ Like hell was my personal life going to be based on what he did! This had nothing to do with him!

"...Do you want to go on a date with me?"

"Wh-what?" She looked up at me and despite the surprise I could see the faintest smile on her lips "...Oh my...I-I..."

"If you don't want to, it's fine-"

"No! I-I do...I really do."

"Let's go somewhere after work."

"Ok!... Ah, well, I have to get back to the phone. S-see you later!" She then ran out of the room, still red and with a now wide smile covering her face. Yeah, she got what she wanted, no reason to stay anymore. Whatever. I turned back to my work as well.

* * *

><p>Izaya just stared dumbfounded at his phone's screen. It definitely said Shintarou, so what the hell had just happened? He tried to calm his heart down. Hearing Shizuo say his name after all this time had sent it racing. Did he want to say something to him? What? He guessed he'd never know…<p>

His eyes widened when he checked the number. It was actually Shizuo's! What the hell had that guy done?

"Izaya-saaan!" Speak of the devil. He only listened as the voice got closer, the man seemingly running his way. "I'm so sorry for being late but I had some problems at home so I-Ugh!" Well, he didn't expect that. "... Waah, I-Izaya-san... As a man, I must say that's the last place I'd like to get kicked..."

"Shintarou-kun. You know, something very interesting happened to me just now..."

"For some reason, you smile looks terrifyingly scary right now, Izaya-san."

"I was worried about you so I decided to call and check if you were okay. You'll _never_ guess what happened!"

"Hahahahaha! Wh-what?"

"It was actually Shizu-chan's phone! Can you believe it? I _wonder_ how it happened!"

"Ah, w-well, you know machinery these days! It does whatever it wants, so... You're honestly scaring me right nowww~"

Sighing, Izaya turned away from him as he shoved the phone back in his pocket.

"I don't know why it is that you've been trying to piss him off but you should stop already. He's pissed off enough."

"Huh? But that's not what I've been trying to do at all!"

"...Then what is it-"

"Ah, nothing, nothing! Let's get to work already!"

"What the? You're the one who's an hour late!"

"Yes, yes~"

* * *

><p>"Jeez, 'ich one was it? !"<p>

"You only have 3 keys damnit! How the hell can you still not find the right one after 2 minutes!"

"Waah, don't yell at me!"

"Just give me those!"

I snatched the keys from her and finally opened the door to her apartment. She jumped in and I followed after her, heading straight for the kitchen.

"Man, I haven't drank like that in a while."

"I can tell, judging by the fact that you're trying to sit on your tv."

"Wahaha, 't was silly!... Say, Shizuo-san, you're not very romantic, are ya? I mean, taking a girl out drinkin'."

"Would you rather have gone to some fancy restaurant or something?"

"Ah, no, that was good. 'twas fun.", she murmured as she plopped herself on the couch.

I still didn't know her name. Would she be angry if she found out? Meh, whatever.

"Just stay there while I make you some coffee."

"Noo, I don't want coffee!"

"No one's asking you."

"I said I don't want it! !"

Was that how annoying you truly were?

"Fine! Then just go to bed already! You'll probably feel like shit in the morning."

"Ahh, but the couch is so comfy!"

"Fine, then! Where are your blankets?"

I went over to her but there were none in sight.

"Shizuo-sann, stop acting all nice!"

"What?"

"Didn't you come for something~?"

"...Where are your blankets?" I turned around to go look for them but was stopped when she gripped my jacket and pulled me back as I landed straight into the couch.

"I'm not stupid."

"But you're obviously drunk as hell."

"Hmm, whatever."

Climbing over me she wasted no time as her lips landed straight onto mine.

Was this what I wanted? A few hours were enough for me to know that I didn't really want anything to have with this woman. But just doing it? We work together, after all. But I was stupid enough to invite her. And I was also just a tiny bit drunk…

What would she say if she knew the last person I've kissed was a man? She'd probably freak out or something. But then again I'm freaking out just remembering it... Was I honestly thinking about Izaya when there was a woman in my lap? What the hell was wrong with me? This was way better! She had these, after all...

"Ah..."

She gasped when I slipped my hand under her blouse and started feeling her breasts. They were soft and warm... It was nothing like that bastard, he was like a flat board. But he was a man, after all. Idiot. She buried her face in my neck as my hand began to travel downwards. And then there wasn't even place for comparison for this...

"Nnn...Shizuo-san…" This was where a man's dick was supposed to go, damn it! With him I'd just have to shove it back there like some animal. I've never thought of doing it like that even with a woman. I'd totally feel like a-

"Ow! ! !"

Huh?

"What the hell are you doing? ! Are you crazy ? !"

"What-"

"Don't 'what' me! Just where did you think you put your finger, you pervert? !"

"Where else would I-" Oh shit. Or was that the wrong expression right now? That's what you get for thinking about something you're not supposed to think of! ! !

"I can't believe it! So you're that kind of guy? !"

She jumped off from me and backed up in the other end of the couch, looking at me with the most disbelieving look. I'd look at myself way worse if I could. Did I actually do that?

...his fault, it was all his fault! He was messing up my mind!

"...ll."

"What? !"

"Kill. Kill kill kill!"

"E-eh?"

Getting up from the couch I stormed out of her apartment leaving her to look completely terrified. I'd probably feel bad about her later.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later I found myself in front of Izaya's door. Well, that was enough time for me to realize that I really shouldn't be there. It was his fault but I couldn't exactly just tell him what I was accusing him of, right? That would be completely humiliating. Plus that fact about being just a little bit drunk… and now also a little bit hard. But it had been a while! Fuck, why couldn't I just do like normal men and relieve myself once in a while? !<p>

Okay then, now that I realized it was not a good decision I was just going to leave-

"Excuse me, are you alright?"

"Huh?" I turned around and saw a strangely dressed young woman smiling up at me.

"Well, I saw you just standing there for a while and... Ah, aren't you one of Orihara-san's friends? I think I've seen you around before." Oh great.

"...Yeah, but it seems he's not here so I-"

"What are you saying? You didn't even ring the doorbell. Here!"

Don't! Gah, why you do this to me, woman?

"Yes?" This wasn't fair.

"Orihara-san! How are you? Ah, a friend of yours is here to see you, just thought I'd help him. He looked like he was afraid of the bell~"

His face obviously showed that I was the last person he was expecting to see.

"Is something wrong?"

"...No, no. Thank you, Erika-san."

"Well, see you!" She proceeded to jump down the stairs like a kid, like she hadn't just fucked up my life! !

"...What is it?"

"..." Awkward. What now? Should I yell, hit? Or just leave?

"...?"

"...Nothing!" I turned to leave. Why did I even hesitate?

"...Do you want to come in?"

How polite-_no_ I don't want to come in! Are you stupid?

Stupid is me apparently, since right now I was sitting on his couch. Why. I already made up my mind to not say anything. There wasn't anything to talk about and I still wanted to kill him. Not to mention couches weren't my thing tonight. So why? Because I am retarded.

"Do you want some tea?"

_'Do you want some tea?'_ Fuck you, seriously. "No..."

"Well, I was just making some for myself, so..." He headed for the kitchen and I heard some jingling as he prepared himself a cup.

…Ah, finally being able to sit down normally I felt just how tired I was. But that was a given, having in mind I hadn't slept in precisely 36 hours... No! Stupid eyes, don't close on your own. Like hell could I fall asleep here, that would be the most stupid thing I could do!... What was taking him so long anyway, it was just a damn cup of tea.

Finally he came back and sat on a chair next to the couch. Looking at me he gave me a weird look.

"Are you okay?"

"Why?"

"You look awful."

Wow, thanks! "I'm fine!" How could I look that bad because of just one night without sleep?

"…So what? You're that angry about that call? I really had no intention of that happening. You know you'd be the last person I'd call-"

"I know!"

"...Then what? You just got pumped in general and decided to come train your fists?" Well, not exactly...I mean!

"Shut up already."

The silence was even more annoying, though.

"...Where is he?"

"Who?"

"...That guy."

"Huh?"

"The clown!"

"...Sintarou-kun? At home, maybe... I have no idea. Why would I know?"

"Don't play dumb."

"What?"

"...I know."

"What are you-"

"I know that you're with him!"

Ah, don't spit you tea out like some stupid cartoon character. It's disgusting.

"Wh-what?"

"I don't see what's so schocking. He told me last night."

"Are you crazy? You must have misheard."

"No, I didn't! He said it loud and clear."

"...Shizu-chan, there is no such thing."

"Come on, Izaya. He even told me in details."

"What details? ! There isn't anything-"

"And you even told him about...that. And even about that morning!"

"No!... I admit I suspected that he knew something but I haven't told him a single word! Especially about that time, I'd never tell anyone something like that! !"

"Yeah? How does he know, then? !"

"Ask him! I have no idea!"

"There's no point in hiding anything now! Why are trying to deny it? !"

"There's nothing to deny! I swear it's all a lie! You think I'd just jump to someone that easily? ! Not to mention, a man!"

Uh-huh.

"...I-It's different than this."

"How? ! What's different about me? I'm just a man, like him. We even look alike a little. So?"

"Because I love you!"

"So what? ! I think you already showed what your "love" is that time!"

"What the hell, saying that again? ! Of course that's a normal reaction when the person you love does something like that! What's so wrong about it? ! Plus, you're not one that has any right to talk about love!"

"What? !"

"All these years you were the only one getting dumped. Every time one of those women said they were leaving you, you just let them go! You looked like you didn't even care! Of course I wouldn't expect anything from you, you've never even been in love with a woman, how could I expect you to accept a man? ! You're just a heartless-!"

Ah...

"...I-I'm sorry. I didnt' mean-"

It's not like what he said was true, but…

"Yeah, you're right, I didn't care! So if you already know what a heartless bastard I am, just hurry up and fall in love with someone else! I don't want this anymore!"

I got up and was prepared to storm out, but just when I opened the door it was slammed back shut by the bastard that was now behind me.

"I'm sorry, Shizu-chan. You're not heartless. You're a good person, that's why I love you."

"_Stop_ saying that!"

"…Say, why did you come back?"

"What?"

"You know, when I told you I basically expected two scenarios. Either you'd ignore it just like the confession from that time and pretend that nothing had happened, which was obviously the less expected development, or you'd be completely disgusted and I'd never see you again. At first it just looked like you had chosen the second option and I was fine with that, not that I had a choice. But then you didn't really disappear, you came back to the diner twice, even though you knew I'd be there and you even agreed to come that night."

"…I-I only did it because of Kadota!"

"But Dotachin's not here now."

"...That's-"

"You said and did some strange things. And now you come and continue confronting me about it, although there is already nothing else to say. First I find you just sitting in front of my door and then you ask me things like that, like I owe you an explanation about my personal life… What are you doing? I just don't get you anymore. Are you going to hold that much of a grudge against me? I already said I was sorry, even though that's not really something to apologize about..."

I turned my head to look around at him but only saw black hair as he was currently half bent next to me, his hand still on the door, holding it closed. What a pathetic pose—I almost gasped when my phone started ringing.

Seeig as he made no attempt to move I grunted as I struggled to get the phone out of my pocket. An unknown number again...

"Yeah?"

"...Shizuo-san."

The girl? Ah, that's right. I gave her my number.

"I...Well...Even though you were in the wrong...!...But maybe I still reacted too harsh...I mean, well, everyone has different tastes, even if some of them are a bit weird...Maybe I shouldn't have lashed out like that… And you dashed out so suddenly... T-that is...If y-you wanted to do it like that-"

"No! What? ! Don't misunderstand! Like hell would I stick it in there! I just wasn't concentrated and my hand unconsciously moved there!"

"...B-But why would it unconsciously move… _there_?"

"Well! That is-"

Looking over I winced at the look he had. Yeah, I had to guess that was one of the weirder phone calls he'd heard recently.

"Ah, look, we'll talk later! Bye!"

"Wai-" Yeah, sorry, bye.

"...What was that?"

"Nothing!"

"Shizu-chan..."

"Look, I have to go, so move already!"

"...So you were with a woman?"

"Yeah, so? !"

"No, I mean, how on earth did you end up coming here? What happened? She apologized, even though she said it was you who did something..."

"Why are you eavesdropping on other people's phone calls? !"

"Hmm, weird tastes...Sticking it _there_...Huh?... Don't tell me you-"

"Shut up! It's your fault anyway! I told you to get out of my way!" If my face was red now I was so going to punch it again!... Looks like I had to.

"...So you came here to blame me for something like that?"

"Well, you are to blame! But I was just going to leave when that stupid neighbor of yours meddled in!"

"Ah.."

"…How long are you planning on staying like this! Just get lost already!", I yelled as I managed to turn around and push him away.

Probably sensing that he'd crack his head with the strength he'd fall with, though, I barely managed to keep myself on my feet, not expecting him to grab me by the jacket. I stumbled backwards, trying to keep my balance and landed in the door, with Izaya landing straight into me.

"Ah, fuck. That hurt-Ugh!" Okay, not good. I shouldn't have moved! But it's not like I was completely hard so he probably didn't feel it... Judging by his face, I'd say he may have.

"You're...?"

"That's from before! When I was with the girl! Don't think anything weird!"

"And you came all the way here… while you were hard? That... I'm honestly a bit confused right now."

"Well, be confused somewhere away from me!" I moved to shove him away again but he just clutched harder at my jacket. "Hey-!"

"...Are you looking down on me?"

"Huh?"

"You may think that I'm half a man or something because I like someone of the same sex but... All this time I've done all I can to avoid any kind of contact or attachment out of the "buddy" zone. Even after everything came out I just acted distant and didn't push anything on you at all, but... To actually come to me in this state, you're definitely making fun of me!"

"Wait, what-" I was interrupted when his lips clashed into mine. I immediately tried to push him away again but the only way was to tear my clothes away with him. I managed to detach his mouth from mine for a second before he moved closer again, this time his tongue slipping inside. It moved around a little and I felt myself shiver just a tiny bit before I managed to bite it hard. He quickly pulled away and frowned at me.

"Fucking bastard! Are you crazy?"

"...What? Weren't you the one who did this to me first?"

"Sh-Shut up! It was just too early in the morning! I didn't even know what I was doing!"

"Ah, but you mouth sure did."

I wasn't going to listen to any more of this!

"That's it, you bastard! Just...let...go!" I pulled at his hands so hard I heard the fabric tear a little but I still couldn't pull them away. What the fuck was up with that deadly grip? !

"Oww, don't squeeze my arms so hard! Do you want to break them? !"

"That would be your problem! !"

We stumbled a little and I barely managed to register the back of my foot hitting the small stair at the entrance before I was already on my back with that stupid son of a duck on top of me. What the hell was this? These were the most ridiculous situations ever! I couldn't even believe it was happening!

"...Did you just harden more?"

"Like hell! That's just my keys! Or my phone!... You fucking pervert!"

"Hmph, says the person who got hard over touching someone's ass-"

"Gyaaaa! I told you to shut your mouth! It's just cause I'm tired, plus I drank alcohol earlier! !"

"Hmm, wouldn't that usually give the opposite effect?"

"...!"

He leaned in and his face was so close that his breath was almost burning me.

"Don't you dare get any closer! I'll kill you!"

"Well..."

"That's _it_! You're dead, do you hear me? ! I'll rip your limbs off if you don't stop right now!"

"...But I'm not really doing anything."

"...Oh."

Fuck, even at a moment like that I couldn't help a yawn that escaped me, though I almost choked when a hand went under my shirt.

"You're definitely doing something _now!_"

"Well, what are _you_ doing, just laying there when you're supposed to punch me in the face and leave?"

"I was just going to! Tha-aa!" He...He just _pinched_ my nipple. Okay, now!

I propped myself up with my hands and was going to throw him off when he grabbed me by the shoulders and slammed me back down. First of all, where the hell did that strength come from? ! Sure that mine was currently a bit down, but... And secondly...

"Ow! What the-! Are you trying to crack my heard open, you bastard? !"

"Shizu-chan, right now I need some time away from you. I can't deal with this if you keep popping up wherever. So if I do something you'd consider the most humiliating thing ever, you'd go away on your own, right?"

I hissed when one of his hands went to unbutton my pants.

"Believe me, the feeling is mutual! ! I'll just leave now and make sure that you never see me again, so-!"

I felt my heartbeat speed up like wild when he took me in his hand and began to pump slowly.

"No, Izaya! !" I moved to get up again but he just squeezed hard enough for me to fall back down as I gasped in momentary pain. "S-Stop it! Do you hear? ! Gah!"

As if not registering my protests and writhing at all he just leaned in and kissed me again, his tongue moving firmly deeper while his other hand brushed my forehead.

No, this-this wasn't happening! And how the hell did the roles suddenly reverse? It just had to stop!

"Stop it! This is disgusting!"

"Why are you fully hard, then?"

"Who the hell knows? ! ! Just cut it out!" I felt a particularly violent shudder run through me when he dipped his fingernail in my slit. I couldn't be this close this fast. I wasn't supposed to be close at all! Goddamn it! I...

He doubled the speed of his stroking and very soon I could almost feel it coming out when he added some slight tugging and rubbing the tip.

The only thing I could do to prevent myself from falling in complete shame was to bury my hands in his hair while I pulled him down so he couldn't see my face while I came hard in his hand.

...worst. This was the worst. The complete and ultimate worst! How did it even happen? How could I let it happen? !

"Haa...Haa...That..."

"Shizu-chan?" He tried to pull away but I only locked my fists harder as I pulled him back down.

"D-Don't move or I'll kill you! !... You fucking..."

I winced when I felt his hand run through my hair and without realizing I let go in order to push it away. He took the opportunity and quickly drew back, staring at my face for several moments.

"Wow, you're blood red."

I turned my head away as I still struggled to regain my normal breathing.

"Goddamn bastard… So you pretended to act all sad and innocent, when in reality you were like this! !"

There was silence for a short time before I heard a snort as he patted my chest a few times.

"You can think whatever you want now, Shizu-chan. I'm not going to try and defend myself. You can even think that I was a prick who was just after your body. Who knows, you could even be right."

"That's it! Get off already! You damn-"

"It was just a joke, Shizu-chan. Hah, only lusting over a body for that long would be kind of sick, don't you think?"

…Probably. It's not like I'd seen anything else from you recently, though!

Seeing that I wasn't going to respond anymore he sighed as he got up from me.

I tugged myself back in and pulled up my pants, hurrying to get up so I could just get away. Rising, however, I felt my knees tremble from under me, while my pants fell back down at the same time, since I was idiotic enough to leave the zipping up for after, and I stumbled around, falling on my ass again. God, I just wanted to die right now.

I tried to get up again, this time being a bit harder since I couldn't really pull up my pants from a sitting position and froze for a moment when a hand was offered in front of my face.

Feeling anger rise within me yet again, I shoved it away with as much force as I could manage.

"Get the fuck away from me! I don't need your damn help!"

He clutched at it, though his gaze never left me for even a moment.

"But if you fall like that again your butt's really going to hurt tomorrow."

Noo, what the fuck was my face flushing for again? !

"Don't say such disgusting shit! !"

"What? How exactly was that disgusting…?"

Funny you're asking!

I twitched when I felt him grabbing hold of my arm and in an instant my desire to kill him was back with full force!... Though I guess I'd do it when I was actually on my damn feet!

"Ah, come on, you know you're too heavy for me to just pull you up…"

"You didn't seem to have a problem with my size a while ago! !"

Fuck! To have to rely on him right after something like that…There was no way this was anything but a nightmare!

Finally getting off the ground I hurriedly moved my hands to my belt but was beaten to it when that bastard grabbed a hold of it first, pulling me to crash in him as he began to zip me up.

"What the-? ! I can do that on my own, idiot! !"

The only response I received was a breath clashing in my neck as he laughed suddenly.

"Who would've thought Shizu-chan would be left this helpless after just an orgasm…"

"Wh-whaaaat? ! I-It's not like that _at all_!" No blushing, no blushing! "It's because of all your shit that I haven't slept in nearly two days! How do you expect me to be…? !"

"…Oh, is that so."

When buckling up my belt his hand brushed against my crotch a few times and if it was on purpose he was just going to die!

Wait, what the hell were my hands tightening around his shoulders for? ! I moved to shove him away but my breath hitched when he surprisingly did it first.

"Well then, you should go home and rest."

"Huh? What the, you think you're gonna get away with it just like that? !"

"Oh, you want to hit me?" He turned to me and just stared, waiting for the expected hit to land.

That… I wanted to punch him, but… I'd totally decapitate him.

"Come on, hurry up so you can get out of here."

The hell? If you wanted to get rid of me that badly, then fine!

"Don't forget to keep your promise."

Those were the last words I heard before the door closed behind me. Damn it, I was so pissed off, pissed off, pissed off! Fucker doing whatever he wants! He better hope I kept my promise if he wanted to see the light of day again! !

* * *

><p><strong>Oh shiiii- <strong>

****Well, this chapter was a bit awkward... And Izaya actually haz ballz? !****


	8. Chapter 8

"What the hell? !"

_"Don't 'what the hell' me! I can't believe this! Of all the days to be retarded and fall asleep you had to do it today? ! Do you want to ruin my wedding? !"_

"Who has a wedding this early in the morning? !"

_"… It's 4 in the fucking afternoon!"_

"Oh,yeah… Guess I was bored and just dozed off."

"_Yeah, why actually start getting ready when you can sit around being bored! !"_

"Well! Why didn't you call earlier? !"

_"Because I'd never guess that this would happen! I only called now because it's getting kind of late and I was wondering if you were on your way already! Not in your bed!"_

"It's actually the couch—"

_"Ah, is that Shizuo?"_

_"Yeah, he's being an ass."_

"Hey!"

_"Give me the phone...Ah, Shizuo-san, fortunately you still have about twenty minutes until the wedding starts, but I'm afraid to inform you that if you don't make it __**I will snap you in two!"**_

"Crazy woman! If you want me to make it on time then stop distracting me by making me listen to yours and your husband's stupid ramblings! I'm trying to get ready now!"

_"Wow, sorry for bitching at you for _nothing!_ Kadota, I told you to get someone else as a witness."_

"Wai-"

_"Like Izaya."_ Oh hell no. _"He's way more reliable."_

_"Ah, don't say something like that when he can hear..."_

_"Well, at least Izaya's here. I'll just go and tell him that Shizuo is asking him for the favor of-"_

"Do it and you die! Fuck, I'll be there in five minutes if I have to!"

I heard a snicker before the line went dead.

Damn Reiko, she just knew what would piss me off!... Ah, I already knew her for almost four months. Kadota introduced her a little after... that incident. We've met several times since then and I was a bit surprised at how well we actually managed to get along. I guess because she was the type that was "I may be a woman, but I'll kick you ass just as hard" type... But because of her being like that we just have to constantly bicker cause...Well, I'm constantly bickering with everyone, so... I guess that just proves that we get along. Or something.

* * *

><p>I barely found a spot in the damn parking lot. Just how many people had they invited? They said it wasn't going to be anything big.<p>

I entered the hotel and immediately heard chattering coming from behind a huge door. Well, there it was. Giving one last annoyed sigh I cracked the door open and entered.

Man, for nothing big the room sure was packed. Looking up ahead I saw the young woman that was going to be the other witness, standing in front of the huge desk. She saw me and waved for me to go to the front with her.

"Ah, hello." She smiled at me as she bowed lightly. "Kadota-san will be here any moment and then we will begin."

I nodded in response. Well, so I wasn't that late. Awaiting the arrival I occupied myself with looking at the room's decorations. I tried to avoid looking at the crowd 'cause I just knew _he_'d be somewhere at the front.

Finally Kadota entered and took his place between us. He only gave me a stern look, which I answered back. Soon, it was announced that everything was ready and I watched as he turned around and winked happily at someone who was hiding behind the door. Hopping out from behind it with the widest grin, Reiko then proceeded to make her way to us, trying her best not to kill herself in that huge thing she was wearing.

"Ah, Shizuo, I see that you have made it. Then you shall live."

Well, I could've made some remark at that myself, but out of the goodness of my heart I was going to keep quiet, since it was a special occasion.

The ceremony proceeded as normal. They vowed, exchanged rings, while sobbing was heard from all around the crowd. Stupid sappy people. Finally we signed and they were officially announced as husband and wife. Man, that guy looked so happy, I couldn't remember having seen him like that in a long time. Well, they were both pretty nice people so I was sure they'd have a good life.

The beginning of the celebration was announced and soon everyone started heading for the hotel's restaurant, where it would be held. I decided to wait for most of them to flow over there before heading myself, not relly wanting to be a part of all the hassle.

"Shizuo." I turned to see Kadota and Reiko, who were still in the room as well.

"What?"

"Thanks." I stiffened the moment Kadota wrapped his arms around me. What the hell? That was a first. I guessed he really _was_ happy.

"Yeah, yeah.", I sighed, patting his shoulder a few times until he finally decided to let go. "Congrats."

"He doesn't deserve thanks for almost ditching us."

"Shut up! I still came, right?... Don't pout at me!"

She took Kadota's hand and made a face at me, sticking out her tongue. I turned my head to the other side,pretending to ignore her, while she huffed annoyingly.

"Stop acting like kids, you two. Do I have to be a babysitter even today?"

_"Of course!"_

_"Of course!"_

"Why you-!"

Receiving a few pats on the back by his wife he sighed as he pulled her in his arms, the smile returning to his face.

"Come on, let's go. Everyone's already headed there."

The moment we entered the restaurant the two of them were completely surrounded by several guests who started congratulating them again. Leaving them I went ahead, intending to find a good place to sit. Passing by a desk I stopped when a book caught my attention. It had names and numbers. Yeah, of course it'd be like that.

It's not like I knew anybody so I didn't really care, but still I didn't want to end up next to some guy who decided I looked like a person he could chat with. Because I wasn't. The weds had a table all to themselves, although I was sure they'd probably spend most of their time goofing around. Searching through the page I saw my name, which was the first one assigned to table 3. I guessed I had nothing better to do, so I might as well go and have a drink or something. I looked around until I found it and... What the?

Actually first I wanted to congratulate my dear friend one more time. In the gut.

"Hey, Kadota."

"Yes?"

"Can you come with me for a second."

"What is it-Wah!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the guest book. "What?"

"Here's my name. I'm on...?"

"...Table 3?"

"Okay. Now, could you please _look_ at table 3?"

"Hmmmm... ...Ah...Ahah...Ahahaha! That! Well, you see-"

"Kadota! I can't believe you actually dared to do that." Was a fist that close to your face scaring you? Poor you.

"No, no! You see, it's just neither me nor Reiko wanted to deal with this, since it's so annoying, so we just gave a categorized list of the guests and the seats were organized by the staff! Okay, so calm down? Haha."

"And how exactly am I in the same category as _him_? !"

"Well... You and Izaya are my best friends...Shizuo..."

"I'm sitting somewhere else."

"Eh? You can't. Everybody's already taken their places. It'd be rude to ask someone to move."

"I don't care."

"Geez, if you hate it that much it's not that hard to ignore someone. I'm sure he won't be extatic to try and have a conversation with you either."

"It's not a matter of talking. I don't want him anywhere near me!"

"Haa, stop being a kid already. Look, I have to go, we'll talk later. And don't you dare do something stupid."

"Wait-!"

Shit. No way! If we were at least a seat apart or something, but right next to him! But he probably saw my name already. If I didn't go, that'd mean he'd won. Like hell!

I tried my best to look at the other side of the room as I made my way to my place. I seated myself and it didn't seem like he was going to acknowledge my presence. That was good.

"Shizuo-san."

"Huh?" I turned to the guy on my other side. I couldn't remember having seen him before.

"Ah, sorry for just adressing you. We don't really know each other, but we've heard a lot about you from Kadota. We've been friends with him since university."

"Yeah. Man, you kinda scared us back then. We thought you wouldn't show up."

"Yeah, well... I was having some difficulties."

"And Kadota was so serious about you. We told him if you couldn't make it he had no choice but to get someone else. But he was like 'No! He'll come.' Haha."

"Yeah, in the end he could've just gotten Izaya-san to do it." Ugh. "Since you three have been best budds for so long it would still be fine, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. To be honest, we were a bit surprised he chose you, though it was probably a hard decision, since the other could've gotten mad... But Izaya-san doesn't really seem bothered. Isn't that right, izaya-san?" I. Will kill you.

"Hmm? Ah, of course not. How could I be mad when it's his choice to make? Besides, I'm not really that representative so it's better that he didn't choose me."

"Eeeh, that's not true. You would've been fine there. Actually, Shizuo-san was just towering over everyone, haha!"

"But it was still good."

"Yeah, yeah, it was."

That was why I just wanted to sit somewhere on my own!

"Well then, we'll go get ourselves something to drink, so we'll leave you two to chat on your own for now. See you later." Nooooo!

Damn it. I hated you but that didn't mean you had to leave me alone with him! Well, there were some other people at his end of the table, but I couldn't even see them clearly cause that'd mean looking his way!

Gah, for now I was just gonna turn on my other side. Yeah, I think showing him my back would be enough for him to not even try to say something to me. Even if he didn't look like he had any intention of doing so... We probably looked weird right now. And I was starting to get pissed off for some reason.

"Heyyy."

Hmm?

"Ah, hey, Rei-chan. What's up? Is everything going okay?"

"Yeah, it's all perfect! I was just looking around the guests and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves a lot, it makes me totally happy!"

"That's good."

_"But looking at you two totally makes me want to throw up."_

"Ah?"

"Geez, you're ruining the mood with all your sulking."

"Haha, no one's sulking. It's just you imagination."

"...HEY, Shizuo, you bastard. Even though the bride has come especially to check on you you act like you haven't noticed me at all."

"I have!" Grunting, I forced myself to turn around.

"Man, when exactly are you two going to sort things out? Kadota just needs this little to be completely happy."

"But I thought it was obvious that we already have."

No it wasn't, moron.

"Really. Then why are you still ignoring each other?"

"Hmm, that just turned out to be the best solution. But there's no reason to be talking about this. Today you should just be happy and enjoy yourself." What was with those disgusting smiles?

"Oh, but I am! I'm just waiting for Kadota so we can rock the dancefloor!"

"Waah, good luck! He's not really a good dancer."

"I know_, that's_ why I'm looking forward to it."

"Haha, you're so evil, Rei-chan~"

"Ehh, but as my husband, I have the right to torture him now, right?"

"Hmm, I suppose."

"Ah, there he is! Well, then, see you later! Just hurry and make up properly, you two!"

"Yes, yes." He gave her one last grin as he waved at her while she ran to Kadota and then we fell into silence again. Soon everyone started laughing hysterically at Kadota's pathetic attempts at doing dance moves but as funny as it was I was still overcome by this annoying feeling poking at me whenever I caught a glimpse of any part of that bastard! Even something like his hand. That hand that four months ago…

I had to get away for a bit. I got up and fetched my car keys that I'd dropped on the tablle earlier.

"...Where are you going?" Did you just hear something? No? Yeah, me neither.

"What, are you leaving?"

"...And if I am?"

"You can't swallow your pride even for something as simple as to attend your best friend's wedding? Today is his day, stop being so self-centered."

"Tch, funny, coming from someone like you. _And_ I was just going out for a smoke. I forgot my pack in the car."

"...Ah."

Fuck. What was he acting all high and mighty for? ! And he actually dared to talk to me in that mocking way!

* * *

><p>I was so angry that you had to go quite a way through the cloud of cigarette smoke if you wanted to find me. Huffing out another addition I noticed someone running from down the street. He looked like a complete idiot, almost bumping in every person he passed by. I was surprised when he came to a halt right in front of the stairs I was currently at.<p>

"Haaa... I'm so late!"

...That voice-

"Ah, Shi-zu-o-san~"

This was just going to keep getting worse, wasn't it?

"Long time no see!"

Oh wow, and he was going to keep talking.

"How long has it been? Four months?"

Maybe the fact that I turned to the other side should give you a hint? Yeah, that's right, just go right past me and-

_"Shi-zu-o-san!"_

"Ow! Don't yell in my ear!"

"Well, you seemed to be carried away, since you weren't answering me." That was definitely the reason.

"...What the hell are you doing here?"

"Ah, well, sadly I missed the ceremony but I still wanted to congratulate Kyohei-san, since he took the trouble to invite me. I hope I'm not too late here, too."

"...You're not, they just started a short while ago."

"Oh, that's good!"

"..."

"Hmm, could it be you're still mad at me?"

Given that some things could've been avoided if it weren't for your stupidity, I'd say yeah, a little.

"Just go inside already."

"But, it was your fault too. Actually falling for it, I was kind of surprised."

"I told you to get lost. I don't know what weird game you were playing, but congratulations on fucking things up beyond the imaginable."

"But I just wanted to help."

"How the hell did any of the stuff you did help anyone? !"

"Well, since it was obvious that you were a stubborn person, I thought you needed a little push…"

"A push?"

"Why do you think I said all that?"

"…How should I know."

"Haha, I see. Then not much progress has been made, I guess... You really are a stubborn person."

Having already finished my cigarette I put it out and tossed it in the near trash can as I headed back inside myself, the clown actually daring to walk next to me.

"Waa, so many people...Where do I sit?"

"Just check in the damn book."

"Hmmm...Ah, here's Izaya'san!...Ooh, you're on the same table?"

I just frowned at that.

"So I'm not going to sit with him. That's not fair!"

"You can switch seats with me."

"Eh, I-"

_"No."_

_"Kadota."_

"Ah, Kyohei-san! Congratulations! I wish only the best for you from now on!"

"Thanks a lot, Shintarou. Ah, I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure your seat is over there." He pointed at a table a little bit further and following his gaze I saw that guy's idiotic smile fade just a little bit.

"...I see."

"Ah, maybe we should have seen to this a bit as well..."

"_You think?_" He glared at me but didn't have the time to say anything as the clown spoke again.

"No, no, it's fine. It is appropriate, after all." He didn't look like he agreed with what he was saying.

"I told you we could switch places."

"Ah..."

"As if I'm gonna let you anywhere near my colleagues! Haven't you already embarrassed me enough?"

"What? ! When the hell have I ever embarrassed you?"

"...Really?"

"Well... Shut up! Fine, geez!" Idiot! What, it's not like I was gonna show naked baby pictures of him or something! Grunting, I headed back for my table.

"Ah, wait, Shizuo-san! I'll just come by and say hello to Izaya-san." Huh? No funny pronounciation of my name?

"That doesn't mean we have to walk together!"

"But waait~"

We reached the table only to find that he wasn't there. I just took my seat while he started looking around.

"Hmm, did he go to the bathroom...? Ah, there he is!"

Glancing over to where he was pointing I saw him on the dancefloor, dancing with some woman.

"Who is that?...Oh."

Glancing over again, due to the slightly weird face that guy was making I felt getting just this little frustrated at the way he was smiling at her.

"Ahh, that looks so nice. I haven't done it in a while... Will you dance with me?"

...What.

"Huh?" Turning to him I almost jumped when I saw he had actually extended his hand at me.

"P-Put your hand down, idiot! The hell is wrong with you? There're tons of women here, just ask one of them!" I don't think I was the most embarrasing person at this wedding.

"Eeh, but I can't just go and ask someone I don't know."

"And what makes you think it's okay to ask a man? !"

"And what's so wrong? Come on~"

"Wow, no! Just wait for the bastard to finish and ask him, then!"

"So boring~" He sighed as he plopped himself on Izaya's seat and rested his head on the table.

"But he probably won't agree, too. He's still a bit mad at me..."

I looked over to him. Well, even if it was all a set up I still kinda wondered. I don't know why I did it aloud, though.

"...So you don't really like him?"

"Hmm?" He turned his head to me, though I wasn't really look at him anymore. He stared at me for a few moments until he suddenly laughed and sat back. "Haha, of course I do. Quite a lot. Well, only not in the same way you think I do."

"Well, it's you who forced me to think that way! !...So, why?"

"Why? ... Oh. Well, I didn't lie when I said that he helped me. He did so more than he can imagine."

"And what exactly did he do?"

"...I'm not going to tell that to someone who doesn't even want to dance with me. Hmph!"

"..."

"Shintarou-kun?"

"Izaya-san! Did you finish already?"

"Ah? Yeah, for now."

"Well, I was just warming your seat.", he laughed as he got up and gestured for Izaya to sit down. "I wanted to say hi so I waited here and had a little chat with Shi-zu-o-san." Don't mention my name in a conversation with him!

"Where are you sitting?"

"...There." He pointed at the table without even looking at it.

"Oh? So you'll be with those guys. That's lucky." Yeah, my thoughts exactly-Wait! Why the hell was he acting like he didn't want to sit next to me just as much? ! I was the one who hated it way more! "Say, mind if I go there for a bit?"

"Well, Kyohei-san seemed really mad when Shizuo-san asked to change places..."

"Hmm, it's not permanent. I'll come back... here, so just for a while. I'm sure he won't mind it."

"Ah...It's not like I want to go there..."

"Huh?"

"Well, I guess it's fine for now."

"Okay, then. Sorry for the...inconveniece." He threw a glance at me and before I understood what exactly he meant he was already over there.

"I'll give you an inconveniece, you walking piece of-"

"No, no! I'm sure he didn't mean it that way, Shizuo-san! Don't yell... Well," he started as he sat back in the chair. " but it seems Izaya-san has turned a bit cold to you as well. Though the last time you saw each other you had an argument, right? So I guess it's normal. I was really surprised when I heard you had gone to his place! But he didn't tell me any details... Say, why did you go, Shizuo-san? Was it because of that? Because you were angry that he 'was with me'?"

"No! Why would I confront him about who he's with? !" ...Although I did.

"Then why? I've been really curious, you know~"

"That..." I went because...because...

"Shizuo-san? Are you okay, you're starting to turn red... Waah, tell me!"

"Shut up! Like I'd tell you!" Fuck. Asking me that, after I unsucsessfully tried to forget it all this time… But those fucking images still popped up un my mind whenever the hell they wanted to. I mean, who the hell would want to remember getting pinned to the floor by a man...And that touching...

"Ah, Shizuo-san, let go of the table. It's cracking!"

"Huh?" Ah, right. Fuck, I had to calm down. Just a little longer and then there'd really be no reason to see that bastard ever again. After all... that's what I wanted. That way I could just forget all this.

"Geez, you really are a weird one... I guess people must truly love you to be able to put with this behaviour constantly. For like, say..._eight_ years?"

"Cut it out! The hell? So Kadota's in love with me as well, then? ! Don't say stupid crap."

"... I guess I should really give it up." He sighed as he scratched the back of his head.

"You shouldn't have even involved yourself in this."

"Maybe, I guess it was pointless after all..."

"Wow, am I hallucinating or are you two actually sitting next to each other and having a normal conversation?"

"Kyohei-san."

"Normal's far from it."

"Where's Izaya?

"We swapped for a while."

"Ah, I see...Well, at least you're in a better company."

"There isn't even a place for comparison! Shizuo-san and I are enjoying ourselves very much! Isn't that right?"

"What? ! You just said I was impossible to bear with!"

"Eh? I didn't really say it like that. I just meant that it was probably hard to stay by your side for that long. Not that it was unpleasant or anything."

"...You were talking about stuff like this? That's quite the progress, Shintarou."

"Really? Hehe, thanks."

"Don't talk like I'm some kind of experiment! He just said things on his own!"

"Yeah, yeah... Man, that girl is as persistent as ever, huh?"

"What?" I was a bit baffled at the sudden change of topic.

"Well, I guess she's just using the occasion. Although Izaya-san seems to be giving in lately."

"Somehow I don't really like that."

"Ah, because of that rumour?"

"What are you two talking about?"

"That woman that's been all over Izaya."

"I don't care then."

"Of course."

"...What rumour?" _What?_ I was just curious.

"Well, nothing special, really. But it has been going around that she's kind of... You know, an easy woman. And like a 2+2 easy."

"Yeah, but she's been circling around him for some time now. You think she'd go that far just for that?"

"Even if she was after him, that doesn't mean she couldn't have been after someone else, as well...Hmmm, but who knows, you could be right. Maybe it _is_ just a rumour, spread around since she's pretty."

"...So they're together or something?" Well, fucking bastard was pretty quick to forget, huh? For a "pathetic lovesick idiot" he was doing quite well! And here I was avoiding any physical contact with a woman for the past few months, cause there was this one time when I tried and just as I suspected that scene was the first thing that appeared before my eyes. And the scary shit was that I managed to get it up despite that… Yeah,_despite_! Not bec-….

"No, aren't you listening? She's just making the moves... Although by the looks of it they might be some time soon."

"Has _he_ heard that rumour?"

"Hmmm... I think so."

"Then why doesn't he just do her and see if it's true?"

"Because he's not like that?"

"Not like what? He can't have one-time sex with someone? What, is _he_ a woman or something? Cause as far as I know- I know nothing! What could I possibly know? !" Blah, that was close...Or was it?

"Huh?... Wait a minute-"

_"No, there's-"_

"Dotachin."

"Ah, Izaya."

"What's wrong? Why aren't you with your bride?"

"Gah, those crazy girfriends of her suddenly got all over her with their insane girly ramblings and I had to get away for a while... Where are you going?"

"Hmm, I was just heading to the restroom."

"Oh, okay. Hurry up, though, I think my old man's gonna make a toast soon and that's something you wouldn't wanna miss."

"Of course. I'll be right back."

I was actually thankful he diverted the attention from me, but now that he was gone two pairs of very suspicious eyes turned back to me.

"So, what was that babbling all about?"

"Nothing! Ah, I'll go out for another smoke!"

"Shizuo!" Too late. I was already out of the room.

I hated it when I acted like an idiot. Letting my mouth slip like that... Just stupid. Calming down a little, I looked over to the toilets... No, what was I thinking? Wasn't I trying to be as far away from him as possible? Whatever he did was no longer any of my business. Despite that there was still this irrational annoying need to just go and yell at him. And maybe even hurt him a little.

Cracking the door open just in time with the water flushing, I watched as he got out of the stall a few moments later. He completely ignored me as he washed his hands and then proceeded to come towards the exit.

Seeing that I was blocking his way and had no intention of changing that he rolled his eyes.

"...Aren't you going to get in?"

"I heard just now you got yourself a woman. Should've told me earlier, since it's quite the achievemnt for you, after all.", I mocked and he looked a bit confused at first.

"Woman?"

"The one that's clinging to you all the time."

"…Aikawa-san? Well, it's not like she's my woman... Not yet, anyway. But I believe this is none of your business, right?" I knew that, dammit.

Gritting my teeth, I shoved him back in as I shut the door behind me.

"Is that so? Well, you're quite bold, aren't you? Getting close to a woman, even though there are such rumours about her."

He looked surprised for a moment but soon enough there was a laugh as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Geez, Dotachin and his big mouth... Well, it's not like they're just rumours."

"...Huh?"

"Well, we've talked about it and she didn't deny it. Apparently she did have her share of fun in that aspect. Well, it's not like she's slept with every guy she's met, but let's just say she's had a bit more than a few in her record. But then again, she's never really looked for anything serious up until now. She was still careful in picking, though. It's just that most of them she's never really seen twice, it was a mutual agreement. Oh, but apparently ever since she got herself this job she decided to get serious and stop fooling around like a stupid kid. Well, ever since then she says she hasn't and won't really do it again, she realizes how silly it was."

"She can say whatever she wants, there's no way for you to know if she's actually doing it or not."

"Hmm, I don't think she'd really lie to me."

"And you're fine with someone like that?"

"What do you mean? As long as she's realized the nature of her behaviour and made steps to change it it's all fine, isn't it?"

"It could still turn out to be a lie in the end."

"I highly doubt it, but even so it will be my problem to deal with, right?" Don't smile at me when you knew how much it was going to piss me off.

"Ah… what are you staring like that for? Could it be you don't believe me?... Haha, could you possibly be thinking I'm with 'that kind of person' because I'm still depressed or something?"

"Well, you-"

"Didn't I tell you to stop being self-centered? Come on, Shizu-chan, people get dumped every day, it's just a normal thing, isn't it? Yeah, it was hard in the beginning, but I got over it a long time ago. Now, please get out of the way."

"Well, I guess this is why you two're getting along so well. After all, last time you basically did the same, right? You got what you wanted and that was the end of it."

"Oh, really? Well, even if it was like that you'd guess I didn't exactly get what I would've wanted, no? After all, _you're_ the only one who felt good~"

"Sh-Shut up! Who the hell felt good? ! It was so fucking terrible I almost puked!"

"Yes, yes. It was so horrible that you could do nothing but run off like an innocent maiden after being jerked off by another man."

Anger instantly rising inside me I grabbed his suit as I spun him around and slammed him against the door.

"Ugh! What exactly is your problem? ! I'm just trying to do something with my life after wasting a few years in vain! So what if she made some mistakes? Who hasn't? !"

He fell silent for a bit, probably waiting for me to let go. I was too enraged to think of that, though.

"We're no more than strangers now, so there's no need for you to concern yourself with me. In fact, I'm asking you not to."

"Shut up! I'll do whatever I want!"

"Wow, you're just being irrational now... Come on, even though this event unfortunately brought us in the same place it doesn't mean we have to acknowledge each others' presence in any way. Even though I did that kind of thing, thinking I'd push you away for good you still come butting in my life...What, do I have to _rape_ you?"

Hearing that I couldn't even control my body as I pulled him close to me, only to smash him back with a huge force. He coughed and gasped for breath but I didn't let go of him even for a second. If my hands weren't holding his clothes they'd probably go for his throat.

"Aahh, that hurt... Can I go now?...Hey, Shizu-chan...Ah, geez, your face is burning." He reached out and his hand felt like ice considering the heat my face was radiating… Wait, was he actually touching me? "Today's your day for blushing,huh. Earlier, too…"

"...What? Were you watching me? !"

"Ah, you just attracted attention without even realizing it. You should stop yelling... And you almost gave yourself away just now." Gah, so he heard? But does that mean he saved me, then? Did he butt in on purpose?

I was quickly thrown out of my thoughts when he spoke again.

"...Man, just how long are we going to stay like this? If anything, shouldn't_ I_ be the one pinning you?" Okaay, this was going way over the edge!

My right fist retracted in preparation for a painful hit but it froze half way when I received a hard kick in the knee.

"Ah ah, I gave you the chance for that when the moment was right, didn't I? You can't hit me now, I don't feel like going around with a black eye all day."

Fuck, that actually hurt! Especially since I wasn't expecting it...

I slumped for a moment, waiting for the damn pain to subside. I was startled when suddenly I heard the door handle twist, soon followed by a knock.

"Hello, is anybody inside?"

Getting snapped back into reality I let go of him and he immediately pushed me away, opening the door.

"Wah, I'm very sorry. We were just talking and didn't even realize we were blocking the way."

"Ah, no, it's fine."

Well, wasn't he a good actor. Everything was apparently showing on my face though, as the man became quite concerned when he spotted me and quickly headed for one of the stalls.

Without another word, the bastard went out the door.

I stayed there a few more minutes, waiting to calm down and compose myself.

* * *

><p>Soon I went back and nearing my table a pair of curious eyes focused on me again. I ignored it as I sat back.<p>

"Enjoyed your smoke?~"

"Yeah..."

"Too bad you forgot your cigarettes." I flinched when he dropped the pack in front of me. Uhh...

"So, what are you trying to hide-"

"Just drop it already! Geez, it's nothing and even if it was you have no right to ask! !"

"Hmph, fine then!" The hell was he pouting for? He got up from the table but soon stopped amd turned back to me.

"Ah, I'm getting myself something to drink. You want something?" Now he was being nice?

"...Are you going to spit in it?"

"What? ! Shizuo-san, you-"

"Fine, fine... I don't really want anything in particular. Just get me the same as yours."

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, okay."

Sighing, I found I had nothing better to do than look around. Even though I didn't want to, and I cursed myself with a thousand curses, I couldn't help my gaze lingering every time I looked at _that_ table. He was just happily chatting with his friends like he didn't have a care in the world. But maybe he no longer had one. He said so himself, right? And that woman was taking just as much of a part in the conversation, laughing and constantly running her hand up and down his right arm and shoulder. I noticed a few of the guys giving her funny looks when she did it, but Izaya the Goddamn Bastard didn't seem to mind it at all.

The clown soon came back, carrying two glasses of...

"The hell's this?"

"Peach juice."

"...Peach juice?"

"Peach juice. Is there a problem?"

"Yeah. How old are you, five?"

"Eeh? Why do you have to be so mean? I don't really like alcohol and my throat's kinda sore, so I didn't want to drink a soda or something like that. So, juice for me."

"You don't like alcohol yet that time you took us to a bar?"

"Well, where else could I have taken you? Besides, I didn't drink any. But apparently you were to busy to notice!~ …If you hate it that much then just go get something your-"

"Fine! It's ok, so just give me the damn juice!" The things I had to worry about with a guy like this! Why wouldn't he just scram already? Oh, that's right, because the knee-kicking rapist was over there. I glanced over once more and was caught off guard when the woman turned to me almost immediately and gave me a weird look. Shit, did she notice me staring that way earlier? I immediately looked away and tried to distract myself by downing my glass.

"Shizuo-san, that was a lot of juice for one take."

"Oh wow, yeah, I hope I don't get _completely wasted!_" Glare at me all you want. You asked for it.

After a while his phone rang and he left me while he went outside to talk. Of course, the first thing my stupid brain decided was for me to turn to look again, even though I knew I shouldn't, now that that leech was on guard. Surprisingly I noticed that she wasn't there.

The last thing I'd expect was for her to appear right next to me.

"Hello."

She was looking down at me and had this smile on her face that I didn't really know what to think of.

"You were staring a lot, weren't you." Oopsie.

"Well, that was-"

"Hehe, could you have been looking at me?" Her laugh was unbelievably innocent for someone with a history like that... Wait, her? She thought I was looking at her?... Well, duh. Who would think I'd be looking at a flea, of all things. That table was full of mostly men and it would be normal for her to think that way since she was the only one I could've looked at in that particular area... Well, I didn't really feel like correcting her so I just shifted my gaze away.

"Aww, geez. And you would've been such a big catch too." She laughed again as she ruffled my hair. What was I, a faithful mutt? "Well, too bad I'm already taken."

"Not from what I've heard.", I grunted as I pushed her hand away... Huh, the fuck did I have to say that for. She looked at me suspisciously.

"And just what have you heard? And from whom?"

I think in the past few months I'd managed to uncover my true essence. _That of stupidity_. Man, whatever. There wasn't a point in hiding shit, I just didn't care.

"That thing you've been latching onto for the past few hours." I only pointed in his direction with my thumb.

"Eh, you know Izaya?" Well, weren't they close. "...Oh, right! He was sitting here earlier, wasn't he? So you're his friend..."

"Can't really say that anymore."

"Hmm, anymore? Did something happen?"

"We had... a conflict of interests."

"Oh... Hey, what exactly did he tell you?" It wasn't him that told me the most important part, though.

"That you're not really together yet or something like that..."

"Hehe, 'yet'? Maybe I'll finally get him soon." A wider smile spread on her face and she looked at the table absentmindedly, her mind seemingly having gone in the clouds or some shit.

"Why'd you like him?" Why was I asking that question? ! She pondered for a moment before answering.

"Well, cause he's a likable guy? Though I really developed a liking for him after I told him a secret of mine." Yeah, sorry to inform you, that ain't really a secret. "...Aah, talking like this with a man whose name I don't even know." Yeah, that was kinda... "I'm Minami Aikawa." Oh great. I didn't want to know you.

"...Heiwajima Shizuo."

"That's a pretty name." Oh, thank you. I feel so flattered. "...Say, were you actually any close to Izaya?" Well... After all this I wasn't really sure if I had been.

"I guess I was..."

"Then, can I ask you something?"

"...What?"

She walked around and took the seat next to me, before resuming.

"Well, the truth is, maybe something could've happened long ago, but we're still like this because I decided not to pressure him. He said he would try to be with me, but he needed some time since he had recently ended this unrequited love of his. He didn't really give any details, but obviously it was quite painful for him. Do you know something about that?"

Fuck, this is gotta be some sick joke. Was this wedding my ultimate hell? That woman just had to pick the worst possible person to ask this about!

"Um, that is, I don't _want_ a lot of details or anything. He obviously doesn't want people to know about it and I acknowledge that, but... I'm just curious. I mean, what kind of woman would be stupid enough to refuse him?" The kind of woman that can fling your ass to the other side of Japan! ! ... Wait what. "And even though I've nagged him about it, he's too stubborn to even tell me just the smallest bit about her, like at least what she looked like. I don't see how telling that would be harmful in any way, right?" You had no idea. "The only thing that slipped him once, and I think he didn't even realise it, was that he called her...Ahh, what was it? Shin-no… Shizu-chan? Yeah, that was it...Kinda weird."

"Look, I don't-" ...What? ! Noo! No no no no no! I was so fucked…!

"Hey, are you okay? You got a really strange expression all of a sudden..." Fuck no, I'm not okay! Shit! Though, it didn't look like her brain was clicking yet...Maybe...

"Shizuo-saan~ Who have you replaced me with alrea-" He reached the table and seeing her, his face became all serious. "Oh... Hello, Aikawa-san."

She didn't seem phased at all, though, as she answered with a huge grin. "Heey, Shintarou-kun, sorry for just inviting myself... Well then, I'll leave now. Nice talking to you, Heiwajima Shizuo-san." She made to get up and I felt so damn relieved for a moment, but was almost petrified when she fell back into the chair. She was looking at me with wide eyes and her mouth opened.

"Wait… Shizuo... Shizu..." I clasped my hands in front of my mouth as an audible gasp threatened to escape me, shaking my head. "Shizu...chan?"

"No no no! It's not like that at all! !"

"Eeeh? You're allowed to call him that? And he was so angry when I said it~" Damn you to hell, you fucking clown! I hope you fell asleep and never woke up! ! Actually, I'd be glad to help with that!

"You...You have five seconds to get as far away from me as possible." I turned to him and he only furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Huh? Why, what'd I-"

"One..."

"I..."

"Two."

"But..."

"Three! ! !"

_"I'm going, then!"_

…Shit, what now...

"...So _that _was your conflict of interests?"

"...Yeah."

"…Then, the one you were looking at all along was possibly… not me?" Aww, this sounded so wrong!

"I wasn't looking at him! He... was just pissing me off!"

She rubbed her neck nervously a few times before saying quietly enough, so only I can hear.

"So, Izaya's gay...?"

"Dunno..."

"Huh?"

"I don't know who or what he's been with all these years, so..."

"Yeah, but if you're attracted to someone of the same sex you're gay, right? !"

"Or bi?" Come on, you, of all people, should know about sexuality and stuff, from what I've heard.

"But something like that...A love with another man would be way more binding, wouldn't it?"

For some reason she looked genuinely scared. He showed an interest in her, right? For a woman like her that'd be enough. Guess she wasn't that confident in her progress, after all.

We didn't say anything for a while. Soon our silence was broken by the most innapropriate for the situation person.

"Aikawa-san? What on earth are you sitting here for?"

It took her a few moments to actually look up at him, putting up a faint uncertain smile.

"Oh, Izaya. I... I just heard this person was your friend so I came to have a chat with him..."

He gave out a small, somehow bitter, laugh at that.

"Who told you that? Cause he's one big fat liar."

"He's not?...Then what is he to you?" I could only guess how he'd freak out if he knew the true meaning behind that question.

"Nothing much. Just this person I met some time ago. Though we both wish we'd never really met." You had no right to wish for anything, bastard! Still playing the victim after everything...!

"Is that so…"

"Yeah. Our acquaintance was probably the most unpleasant one in my life, but—"

"…How can you talk like that?"

"...Eh?"

"You loved this person so much and now you're saying you wish you never met him?"

His eyes widened at that, though he didn't have the time to say anything as she continued.

"Even if the other, for whatever reason, didn't answer your feelings, you'd still love them just the same, wouldn't you? Just because he rejected you, you start thinking like this?"

"... That's not it at all."

"Then how is it? You never even said anything about the person you loved! It's understandable if you didn't want to tell it was a man, but why didn't you say anything at all? !"

"_Because _I wanted to forget..!"

"... You know, I've made so many mistakes I have no right to judge anybody... Even if it's a bit late I was finally ready to actually try and see if this 'love' everybody's so hyped up about is something for me. And I chose you, Izaya! Because you listened to me and accepted me. Because you'd had such a mishap so I thought you'd be able to help! But-"

"Nothing has changed, Aikawa-san. You're just phased right now, because you learned some shocking news. I think it's best we continue this conversation when you've calmed down."

He put a hand on her shoulder and she let out a shaky sigh, trying to calm herself.

I listened to this woman's words, I saw her reaction and in that moment I felt like I was supposed to feel some kind of sympathy for her. Why was it that the main thing I could think about was that damn hand on her shoulder? !

"Heh... So is this your plan now?" I snapped my head up to look at him, since his leering tone only meant he could be talking to me.

"The hell are you talking about?"

"You're trying to ruin whatever you can-"

"He didn't do anything! It was completely by accident that I figured it out..." He looked down at her again and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Relax, Aikawa-san. Why don't you go and freshen up a bit?" She just stared uncertainly at him. "Don't worry, it's all fine." She hesitated a moment longer, before getting up and slowly exiting the restaurant.

He looked after her for a while when he suddenly leaned closer as a glare was shot right through me.

"Listen! You have no right to do this."

"I didn't fucking do anything, you idiot!"

"How can someone accidentally find out about something like this? !"

"If anything, it's your damn fault! !"

"Huh?"

"You're the one who told her 'the person you loved was called Shizu-chan'! So blame yourself!"

"...But why were you talking with her in the first place? !"

"Th-that… She was the one that came to me! Didn't you hear what she said? !"

"She wouldn't come without a reason!... Haah, whatever. I don't even want to listen to you."

Without so much as another glance at me he turned away.

"...Where the hell are you going?"

"To see if she's okay, of course. I don't want something so stupid to affect our relationship."

Jumping up I grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around, my face suddenly twisted with anger.

"You fucking bastard! You said you loved me that much yet you never once considered seeing what shit I was going through because of you. And now you're talking like you're all that... You're the one who's been the most self-centered all this time! Your pathetic ass doesn't deserve the love of any human!" …Uh, where did that come from…

Realizing I'd attracted some attention with this I quickly shoved him away with a violent push. He just stared at me, looking as if he was in a complete shock and I only glared back, daring him to just scram already. A few seconds later he did so, almost running out.

I stomped my way back to my seat and was startled when I felt someone suddenly get behind me. Spinning around I was kind of relieved to see it was only the clown.

"Shizuo-san..."

"What?"

"Th-that...Gh..."

"What the-? Are you fucking crying? !"

I froze when he threw himself at me, though I felt I quickly had to recover and push the idiot away, since there were a lot of weird glances our way.

"Agh, get off me!"

"Uwaa, but that was so sad! ! Wh-who knew you were actually... suffering that much!"

"Who was suffering? Don't talk nonsense!... The fuck are you looking at? !" That and a murderous look was enough for the bastards to start minding their own business again.

Sighing, in the end I only facepalmed while I patted the moron's head a few times.

"The hell is wrong with you?"

"Guh...Guess I got drunk on that juice..."

"Idiot."

Soon those two came back and they quickly passed by me, with her giving me a somewhat concerned look, though I pretended to ignore her, and the piece of shit just whooshing by me.

At one point Kadota stopped by, having heard that I'd had some kind of fight. I had to fucking assure him a thousand times that it was all fine.

* * *

><p>Some more time passed and by now it was time for the wedding to come to an end. The guests started slowly filing out, stopping by the newlyweds' table one last time, before leaving. Soon <em>their<em> table decided to call it a day. All of them left at the same time so they were probably planning on continuing the party on their own. I turned to the other side until I was sure they'd left.

After about half an hour later most of the people were already gone, including Shintarou, who said he had some work to do, so I decided my time had come as well.

I congratulated those two one last time and barely waited to set foot outside of the hotel before lighting a cigarette. I lazily blew out the smoke in a thin stream, feeling the nicotine take it's usual effect on my body...

That was finally the end, right? Now I'd probably really never see him again... That was good, cause all this frustration was seriously fucking up my nerves. But why the hell was that thought making me just as angry?

Trying to push it out of my mind I made my way down the stairs, but came to a halt when someone suddenly stood in my way. What the...

"Shizu-chan..." I ignored him as I tried to walk around. "Shizu-chan! Just wait a minute!"

"What? !"

"I stayed back just so I could say something to you, so at least listen!"

"No one asked you to do that! Does your _girlfriend_ know? !"

"She even insisted...Listen, we've both been acting like idiots all this time… You got pissed off because of this and even though I didn't want to, I was angry too, because you did just what I expected you to do!... And your words kind of shocked me earlier. Of course I'd expect you to feel anger and hate and since that was already too much. I honestly don't think I'd ever consider that you'd actually felt pain or something like that..."

"Who-"

"I know the way I've been acting is disgusting, but you can't blame me! There's already no other way for us. I've tried hard to move on and Aikawa-san's a part of my life now..."

"...And you love her?"

"Well… I will, eventually... She's really a good woman that's just gone down the wrong path."

"So you really don't l-lo, fuck…_ love_ me anymore, do you?" Those words came out way easier earlier.

"Eh?"

"…Well?"

"What... Don't ask silly questions. It doesn't matter at all at this point... I've already started buiding up my life… Ah, and lastly, since this should be our last meeting I just thought that we should finally part like normal civilized adults. What I did last time is really unforgivable and I won't even make excuses for myself, but at least now we have the chance to do it properly, right?"

I already knew that, fuck, how annoying! Last time, last time!...Yeah, it really _was_ the last time I was seeing this idiot, wasn't it? Eight years of him being all up in my face, of being together almost all the fucking time, of constant jokes about my stupidity, then a few agonizing months of anger and hurt, just so it could come to a pathetic end like this.

My uncontrollable temper stirring up again, my fist only flew past his extended hand as it slammed against the concrete stairs. A loud crack was heard, though I was pretty sure it wasn't from my hand.

He stepped back, obviously not expecting this kind of reaction. I wasn't either.

"Huh? What's the matter?"

"This is fucking pissing me off! ! What the hell is wrong with me? ! Ever since that happened there've been fucking numerous times when I could've just never seen your stupid face again! I never even gave a fuck then, I _hoped_ for that! So why the fuck am I so agitated now? !"

"Eh..." Damn, did I really just say that out loud? "Haha, well! We've had our good moments, so it's normal to feel that way even for someone like me. I'm sure it'll pass quickly enough."

"What the hell are you laughing for? ! That's fucking stupid! Who'd wanna feel anything, huh?" I tried to land a few punches on him with my now slightly swollen hand, but he quickly dodged them, jumping back. After the last one, however, he tripped on the small rail on the sidewalk. Multiple gasps were heard as he tried to keep his balance but failed. I managed to grab his arm just before he fell in front of a car that didn't even attempt to slow down. Fucker was lucky It was already dark, so I couldn't see his plate. Although I wouldn't have really thought about that in that moment...

Fuck, I could've killed this guy just now… He could've died, but for a moment I felt like I fucking _had_! It was like my damn heart stopped, though now it was beating so hard it was almost painful. This son of a bitch was just...

"Wa-Waah...That was close." He waved at the people that had stopped out of concern and seeing that he was fine they threw one last glance before continuing on their way.

…Shit, why did it have to be this stupid thing? After all the things that happened, including stuff like _that_, why did I feel like this now? Why was I feeling so damn scared? !

"Izaya, I-"

"Hah, I guess a normal goodbye is impossible after all... I have to go."

He escaped my grasp quicker than I could react as he went on his way.

"Izaya!"

He didn't stop or turn back. Pretty soon he was already out of sight. I wasn't going to chase him, because at that time I somehow felt the final realization I was left with, of the reason for my idiotically stupid actions till now, was incomparably worse than almost being hit by a car.

* * *

><p><strong>Bleh, well this chapter kinda turned into a messy clusterfl0ck. Yeah, I think it kinda did. And it's the longest so far! But it was somewhat half-written and then at one point I was like "…What the hell is supposed to happen now?" And I changed things a few times until I finally encountered a block. <strong>_**Then**_**, I decided to be kinda ADD and started doing other stuffs and totally forgot about it. Until a few days ago, that is, when I actually remembered that I had an e-mail I can check from time to time and was reminded by some ff alerts.**

**But why am I even rambling, nobody gives a fudge. xD Anyway, the next chapter's gonna be the last one, cause, well, I like long stories, but I think this one's already long enough. I mean, I don't want it to be too drawn out or anything. Plus, school already started and yeah. xD**


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